A Modest Collection of Thoughts

Goodbye Blogspot!

2008-02-08T15:32:00.000-05:00

Well, the time has come for us as a team to seek greener pastures. We've done some fine work here at blogspot, and established the fact that we CAN blog in an entertaining, informative, and engaging fashion.

Thanks to all of you, our confidence is at an all time high.

So we're not fading softly into that good night. Rather we are moving to a better forum.

You can find
A Modest Collection of Thoughts (A.M.C.O.T.) over at

http://www.amcotblog.wordpress.com

Don't miss nuthin!

Movies That Need a Sequel?

2008-02-08T09:44:00.000-05:00

Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai (1999)

Tagline:All assassins live beyond the law... only one follows the code

Plot Outline:An African American mafia hit man who models himself after the samurai of old finds himself targeted for death by the mob. "Yes you read that correctly, a Black Samurai who is a hit man for the MOB, in Boston of all places... BOSTON! I can't make this stuff up. The Writer / Director-- Jim Jarmusch was obivously smoking some of the finest Purple Haze when he wrote this movie. Who was in the room when he presented this script and green lighted this project?

Forest Whitaker is a Multi Oscar Nominated / Oscar award winning actor. I still have not recovered from watching the Crying Game, that one scene (you know what I am talking about, still sends chills down my spine)... In 1999 was Forest in a slump? Who comvinced him this movie would advance his career. Did Jim Jarmusch have pictures of Forrest in a Crying Game like Fashion? Did I mention the RZA did the soundtrack and made an appearance in the movie.

The funniest part of the movie is Forest emulates the samurai warrior even though he uses a gun. So when holstering the gun he would whip the gun around a couple times as if it was a sword and place it in to the holster like a Real Samurai Docking his Sword, "a 10 on the un-intentional comedy scale". I only have Two questions when is the Sequel coming out and when is Forest going to get his crooked eye fixed?
Are they just different Sizes or is that just me? Hey look at me Forest, which way are freaking looking. How do you expect me to conduct this interview if you won't look me in the eye. You are looking right at me? Ohh Sorry.... So once again why did you do this movie?

Pedro Martinez and Juan Marichal: Cockfight

2008-02-07T15:05:00.000-05:00

PEDRO: So Marcelino's going to give me back my DVD's ?
JUAN: Well, he will if Little Pedro Martinez wins the cockfight.
PEDRO: Great! What?
JUAN: Well, Marcelino, he has cockfights in the back of his store.
PEDRO: Ah ha...
JUAN: So, he says if Little Pedro Martinez wins, you'll get your DVD's back.
PEDRO: Juan, cockfighting is illegal.
JUAN: Only in The United States.
PEDRO: It's inhumane!
JUAN: No, Pedro, it's not what you think it is.
PEDRO: It's two roosters peckin' at each other!
JUAN: What?
PEDRO: Yeah!
JUAN: Well, I thought they wore gloves and helmets, you know, like "American Gladiators."
PEDRO: No Juan, Little Pedro could get hurt.
JUAN: Well, I left him with Marcelino!
:::Pedro shrugs and holds his hands out:::
JUAN: My Little Pedro!
:::Runs out of the room:::

(I went to Haiti and all I got was 4 stitches and a shitload of mosquito bites.)

2008-02-06T21:28:00.001-05:00

One pound of marijuana in Haiti: $30 USD.

One gram of cocaine in Haiti (10x more potent than anything that touches American soil): $5 USD.

Ransom collected the last time my boy was kidnapped in Haiti: $40 USD (and a boombox).

Living in a country where the most pressing national issue is determining the exact chemical cocktail that caused the death of one idiot actor: Priceless.

It is indeed Super Tuesday....so keep this in mind...

2008-02-05T14:33:00.000-05:00

Vote or Die, bitches!.....take that....take that

Super Tuesday

2008-02-05T10:26:00.001-05:00

My fellow Americans! Get out there today and do your #1 job as citizens of the greatest country in the world!

Today is the day! Don't act like a hippy, you can make a difference (unless you live in new york, if you do you're vote doesn't matter because this state will go to the democratic nominee).

Let's start with a brief run down of each of the candidates.

Hillary Clinton

This lil' lady is the wife of our nation's first black president, Bill Clinton. She has been working within the system ever since, and is now poised to grasp the leadership reigns on her own.

One of Hil's biggest issues is her desire to get our country to accept universal health care, a policy that would greatly enhance the quality of life for everyone (except the most wealthiest) in the good ole US of A!

But let us not forget that Hillary voted for the war in Iraq!

Barack Obama

He's a cool fellow who is all about eliciting positive change in our country. To his credit, Obeezy voted against the war in Iraq, and has since focused on increasing our energy independence (HUGE) and also on establishing universal health care.

Obama is a smoker, I hope he smokes Newports, cuz they are easily the coolest ciggs. Many have also questioned his experience, as he is young and a relatively newbie in the political field. But I think the experience thing is an overblown load of crap.

He also bears a decent resemblance to my friend Kenny! And that is tre' cool.

John McCain

This dude is a real life fucking Chuck Norris. During the Vietnam War his plane was shot down during his 23rd bombing run. He survived the crash and was captured by the enemy where he endured five and a half years of torture in a prison camp. During his internment, he had a watch that he planned on passing on to his son. To keep it from being confiscated, he hid it...in his ass...wait that might've been Pulp Fiction.

McCain is commonly viewed as one of the more moderate Republican. He is conservative on many traditional Republican issues (health care, abortion) but has been known to be liberal on many others (education, gun control).

Do be aware that McCain is definitely a Hawk (you would be too if the Vietnamese poked you with sticks for 5 years!) and is also a ripe 71 yrs of age (he would be DEAD by the end of an 8yr term). Those are things to keep in mind when voting.

Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney was once the Governor of Massachusetts, a piece of shit state that until recently was a cursed as the princess on Shrek. He built a highway there that from all accounts was a disaster and collapsed like 12 hours after being completed.

Also, Romney is a Mormon, and as we know, Mormon's eat babies and marry thousands of women at a time.

Enough silliness, Mitt Romney has been known to waffle on the issue of abortion. That's not the worst thing in the world though, as he has demonstrated a strong stance on tougher gun control laws and also is determined to increase legal immigration, while identifying and databasing the nation's illegal immigrants.

Plus his handsome face seems to have been chiseled out of solid granite.

In the end, all that is really important is that you execute your right to play a part in the process of selecting our nation's leaders. Leave the cynicism at home, get out there, educate yourself, and align yourself with the person whom you feel best suits your needs and ideals.

So if you can tear yourself away from the Giants' victory parade (pictured above) for a moment. Get out there and vote! And don't let anything (pictured below) stand in your way!

2008-02-05T09:33:00.000-05:00

Change goin' Come "Sam Cook"

My views do not repersent all who are involved with this blog, nonetheless we are all proud Americans and we love our country. We might disagree on our candidate but we all agree America needs Change. We are still the best COUNTRY in the world but that does not mean we can not get better. There is no excuse the richest COUNTRY IN the WORLD does not have the highest Literacy rate, lowest crime rate, health care for all, social security for the elderly and the oppurtunity for all to have an equal education. Personally, I believe OBAMA can bring some good change to our country. At the end of the day it is more important that you go out and vote. Voice your opinion so the pundits and politicans see we are not a lazy country who is going to sit back and allow people to dictate how we should live our lives. They work for us and they need to remember who they work for!!! PLEASE GO OUT AND VOTE NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE VOTING FOR...

BUT ON MY END I AM SUPPORTING BARACK!

Regards,

A TRUE AMERICAN VOICING HIS OPINION!

Random Celebrity Endorsement

2008-02-04T10:34:00.000-05:00

"I love A.M.C.O.T! During filming for Big Trouble in Little China I turned to Kurt Russell and I said 'Kurt, you know what we need? A place to go where we can read about news, politics, entertainment, sports, and opinions with a humorous flair. A modest little place filled with thoughts'....22 years later that place finally exists!" - Al Leong (Actor, Stuntman, & Mustache Aficionado)

2007 New York Giants: World Champions!!!!!!

2008-02-03T23:19:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to the 2007 New York Giants. Six years ago this team was declared all but dead. Brandon Jacobs was banged up, Plaxico Burress looked like he would need an entire offseason to recover his wheels, and Eli Manning looked lost as usual.

Somewhere, Tiki Barber chuckled.

Fast forward to Feb 3rd 2008 and the New York Giants have been crowned the champs of the NFL. Tom Brady, Bill Belichek, Randy Moss, and the rest of the 2007 New England Patriots have been denied their shot at history (cue champagne toast).

So to all of those New York Giants fans out there, congratulations!

12 days till pitchers and catchers!

Just a little something to get you in the mood this weekend....

2008-02-01T22:27:00.000-05:00

That guy is the man...watch how those "native american" chicks are all over his jock...

Mild Throwback: R. Kelly "Real Talk"

2008-01-31T16:21:00.000-05:00

This is very old, well not very old, but pretty old. However, after the Berman video today I was trying to remember what was the last video I had watched so many times in one day. This was the winner.

A good question to ask is how far this sets black people back.

Wooooooo!

2008-01-31T14:58:00.001-05:00

Chris Berman Loses It

2008-01-31T13:14:00.000-05:00

Courtesy of Deadspin

Retro Video Game Review: Paperboy

2008-01-31T10:14:00.000-05:00

Justice...Thine name is Paperboy

1988 was the year that the epic story of the Paperboy was finally immortalized in all it's digital glory for the Nintendo Entertainment System. Developed by Atari and released for various game consoles in the 80's, the NES version was by far the most popular. Paperboy allowed kids to take command of the dangerous world that is the life of a paperboy. The object of the game was to deliver papers to all the subscribers and vandalize the non-subscribers (teaching them a valuable lesson that continuing to not subscribe to the paper would leave them open to daily attacks) while avoiding the dangerous conditions of the street. If you damaged a subscribers house they would immedietly cancel their subscription. The only way to win them back was by impressing the neighborhood with a perfect route of 100% delivery accuracy (or pitching a perfect game as the local paperboys refer to it, ask one the next time you see him.. they'll tell you)

The world of the Paperboy was littered with danger though. From remote control cars to dogs the streets where not safe for the Paperboy. Some of the other threats to your route included crazy women with knives, bees, fire hydrants, break dancers (the windmill is a deadly weapon a paperboy must avoid at all costs), cars, skateboarders, tricyclists, construction workers, drunks, a mini tornado, the Grim Reaper, and the most dangerous of them all.......curbs. Once faced with a curb the Paperboy would crumble into a heap on the sidewalk never to be seen again (unless you had more lives then you would just restart the level).

The best part of the game was at the end of each day's routes the town you lived in had a convienient training course where you would leap off ramps, avoid sliding doors, and test your paper throwing acccuary with various hoops. A successful run would give you extra papers for the next days route as well as bonus points and extra lives.

The Paperboy's own brand of justice for those who chose not to subscribe to the paper was brutal and efficient. Broken windows were the least of their problems once the Paperboy was done with them. People would be forced to subscribe just to rid themselves of the daily torture that the paperboy would rain upon them. The Paperboy was extremely serious about his job....deadly serious.

One of the things I always questioned as a kid was when the Paperboy would collide with an object or a person, who he actually die or was he just injured? It would be alot more exciting if a poorly controlled remote control car operated by an 8 year old could actually kill a paperboy. Either way Paperboy was an exciting game that finally gave credit to the little guy.....the Paperboy.

Backcourt Violations

2008-01-31T07:58:00.000-05:00

(Caption: Yes I posted about the GSW game just so I could use this outstanding picture)

Minnesota 83, Chicago 67

I wan't to propose a new rule. If you can't score at least 70 points in a game, you automatically start the next game down 15 points. It's embarrassing that an NBA team could only score 67 points in a game. Never mind the fact they were playing an NBA Junior Varsity squad last night. Chicago needs to make a trade right now. Gut the team, don't inflate the value of Deng and Gordon.

Cleveland 84, Portland 83

I think Brandon Roy is an excellent basketball player. But LeBron James is the best basketball player in the NBA. Fools use the Kobe argument (save it). Bron Bron hit the game winner with 0.9 on the clock.

Golden State 116, New Orleans 103

Another gem from Chris Paul (MVP!), but when Bdavis and Stephen Jackson want to win a game, they are going to win said game. Hopefully the addition of notorious malcontent Chris Webber won't hurt them too much. 4 Hornets players put up double doubles, and they still come out with a loss. Can someone explain what GSW needs Webber for?

Utah 100, New York 89

You know things are bad when you lose two starters (Eddy Curry and Quentin Richardson) to the infamous "flu-like symptoms" and thats the main reason this game was closer than it should have been. You should also realize that any time I have the chance to poke a stick at the dead, lifeless hump that is the New York Knicks, I'm going to do it.

The Bastard Children of Hip Hop Vol 2 - Memphis Bleek

2008-01-30T18:07:00.001-05:00

Making Easy Money Pimping Hoes In Style...Memphis Bleek. What in god's name? This entry really doesn't even require much more information. Bleek first appeared on Jay Z's premier album Reasonable Doubt, on the acclaimed track Coming of Age. Bleek set fire to the track, providing the perfect immature foil to Hov's more mature, dollar induced style of hustling. Recognizing the potential in the youngin' Hov stepped down from his narcotics founded pedestal to school the young up and comer. Berating him to focus on business and not bling, Bleek seemed to be taking a lesson not only on how to survive and thrive on the streets, but also as an artist.

Somewhere between then and now that message was lost.

Bleek's career has been an pointless mish-mash of forgettable commercial tracks interspersed with filler songs. In fact, on each of Bleek's four solo projects, the stand out verses came from guest artists. From Hov's verse on The Coming to the solo Jay Z track Dear Summer on 534, Bleek has been kept in the house more than Nas as a youth.

For some reason I picture Bleek sitting in one of Hov's various cribs, constantly rolling up like the weakest link in Beanie's crew in State Property I. If Jay Z had a bad day, I'm sure he struck out at Bleek on more than one occasion.

But nonetheless, Memphis Bleek has managed to avoid the fate of artists like Amil and Sauce Money, maybe due to his willingness to remain at 5'4" his entire life.

Coming of Age f Memphis Bleek

I'm out here slingin bringin the drama, tryin to come up
in the game and add a couple of dollar signs to my name
I'm out here servin disturbin the peace, life could be better
like my man reclined in plush leather seats
He's sellin weight, I'm sellin eight... balls
sixteen tryin to graduate to pushin quarters y'all
I ain't gon' sweat him I'ma let him come to me
If he give me the nod then these niggaz gon' see
I'm tired of bein out here round the clock
and breakin day, and chasin crackers up the block for my pay
I'm stayin fresh, so chickens check
I'm tryin to step up to the next level, pushin Vettes to the Jets
Diamonds reflect from the sun, directly in your equilibirum
and stunned I'm waitin for my day to come
I got the urge, to splurge, I don't wanna lifetime sentence
just give me the word

Chorus

[JZ] Hey fella I been watchin you clockin
[MB] Who me holdin down this block it ain't nothin
   You the man nigga now stop frontin
[JZ] Hahahh I like your style
[MB] Nah, I like YO' style
[JZ] Let's drive around awhile
[MB] Cool nigga
[JZ] Here's a thou'
[MB] A G?  I ride witchu for free
   I want the longterm riches and bitches
[JZ] Have it all; now listen to me
   You let them other niggaz get the name, skip the fame
   Ten thou' or a hundred G keep yo' shit the same
[MB] On the low?
[JZ] Yeah, the only way to blow
   You let your shit bubble quietly
[MB] AND THEN YOU BLOW!
[JZ] Hey keep your cool
   The only way to peep a fool is let him show his hand
   Then you play your cards
[MB] Then he through dealin I understand
[JZ] Don't blow your dough on hotties
[MB] The only thing I got in this world is my word and my nuts
   and won't break em for nobody!
[JZ] Hah, I like resume, pick a day, you can start
[MB] From now until death do us part...

Platform Confessions

2008-01-30T14:42:00.000-05:00

As I sat on the 1 train this morning I kept praying to myself that maybe, just maybe, the train would stop at 207th street instead of going express from Dyckman to 242nd. But my prayers were interrupted by this man who decided to use his speakerphone to check his voicemail. WHY?

It makes no sense to me. I don’t wanna hear this shyt… I just wanna ride the train in peace; maybe get off at my own damn stop, instead of having to walk 8 blocks just to catch a bus to take me across the 207th street Bridge!

But this man got me thinking, what makes a person believe that everyone should hear his private messages…Then I said, f*ck that… what makes a person believe that everyone wants to hear their music selection on their got damn cell phones!?!

TURN THAT SHYT OFF!

I'm saying...Why isn’t this a crime? Everything else in this damn city is… walk through the train cars…pay a fine… have an open container on the corner… pay a fine… sitting on the corner….pay a fine… take ya wallet out… get shot… and then pay a fine!
and yet playing Solijah Boy on a crowded subway car from ya muthaf*ckin cell phone is okay! The shyt doesn’t even have good sound quality. And why oh, oh why, don’t these cheap Radio Raheem ass muthasuckas buy some damn headphones. They only cost $10… a whole lot cheaper than that $400 sidekick you don’t even need cause yo ass is only in the 8th grade!

Am I wrong for wanting a peaceful ride? Am I?

I guess I am, cause as I sat there trying not to fume over this incessant chatter from his speakerphone… The biggest man in the world sits on me! NO you read it right, ON ME… Not next to me, but on me!

WHAT THE F*CK… MOVE THE F*CK OVER GOT DAMNIT!!!!

You knew ya big ass wasn’t gonna fit in that narrow ass space, but you just felt like trying, huh?… felt like “lil Webster isn’t gonna make a fuss”, well muthasucka you’ve messed with the wrong one today.

What the hell is it with big people…and I don’t mean fat people, cause there is a difference, I simply mean big people. Don’t you see that your elbow has just came in contact with my face… don’t you even look down… SHYT! Then you look at me as if I’m supposed to move just cause yo ass wanted to squeeze in… F*CK YOU NICCA! I was seated here first… sit in one of the other 1,000 seats on this f*ckin’ train that isn’t stopping at 207th street. And they really wanna raise the fares!?!?!

Sheeeeiiiiiit don’t even get me started!

Backcourt Violations

2008-01-30T14:37:00.000-05:00

You'll take it when I give it to you, and like it.

Washington 108, Toronto 104, OT

So last year, Greg Ruffin inexplicably tossed the ball skyward with about 3 seconds remaining in the game Wizards leading by 3. Figuring a win was in the bag, he tossed the ball straight up to try to kill the clock. Sadly he didn't throw the ball high enough. Morris Peterson of the Raptors nabbed the ball out of mid air, and nailed a 3 pointer at the buzzer to send the game into an improbable OT. The Wizards were pretty much dead in the water at that point, and pretty much got blown out of overtime. Fast forward to last night. Wizards up 3, 1.8 seconds left on the clock, Toronto inbounding on Wizards half. Anthony Parker who to date is still only famous for being Candace Parker's older brother nails a 3 pointer off a curl play with two people in his face, at the buzzer. Somehow even without Caron Butler, they managed to hang on in overtime this time around. Who wants to play that Toronto team in the playoffs?

Boston 117, Miami 87

Kevin Garnett, and Ray Allen didn't play. Paul Pierce scored 7 points. AND THE HEAT STILL LOST BY 30!! If there was ever an argument for relegation to be brought to American professional sports, the Heat would be right in that argument. That's not an NBA team right now.

Seattle 88, San Antonio 85

No Tony Parker = bad loss to terrible team. Rookie wunderkind Kevin Durant hit the game winner (his second this season) and the Spurs took a loss. Seems they are signing Damon Stoudamire (how did Boston not make a run there) so Parker is probably more injured than they are letting on.

A break from rampant Mets fanboy-ism*

2008-01-30T14:20:00.000-05:00

Don't look up, don't ever look up...

*Could be fake, but I don't care.

Ménage-a-Trois Fantasy Draft

2008-01-30T14:05:00.000-05:00

Ménage-a-Trois Fantasy Draft hosted by the Mel Kiper Jr (Sans the hair), of Ménage A Trois Cleophus!

Are there Sexier Picks then mine, YES? Would someone have a different list, OF COURSE! But this is my BLOG so I put up what i want to put up! These are the women in order, I would love to have a Ménage-a-Trois with...

Welcome to the 2008 Ménage-a-Trois Fantasy Draft:

#10... Sally Richardson & Pam Grier (Mother daughter / Cougar Division)
This pick unites multiple generations of Black men -- those from the 70's thru 90's. . Between the two of them they have had sex with Many Black stars of the past... Jim Brown (mother) Deion Sanders (Daughter). -
#9... Laura London & Cassie (Fucked Puffy Division)
Laura London grew on me after the Movie ATL... Her BFF Cassie can't sing a lick but I am sure she knows how to lick, it's the only logical explanation for how she got a record deal. It is on public record that Puffy has Fu#ked the both of them..

#8... Michelle Rodriquez & Claudette Ortiz (City High) (Rice and Beans Division)
This is my all Latina pick of the draft. Michelle is not the sexiest Latina out there but there is something about her I love. I heard she only dates women but hey that adds to the fun of the hunt... I love girls who are in great shape plus she is tough as nails. She would enjoy me throwing her around the bedroom a little. Claudette Ortiz is like Rap music on my I-Touch, a throw back to the 90's. I loved this chick in High school and she will never leave my heart, if she comes to Harlem I'll get her City High!

#7... Paula Patton & Janet Jackson (Bi Chicks into S & M who do Coke)...
What you know about my COKE/S&M division. Paula does WHITE LINES, common knowledge, hell, her husband wrote a song about it. She is also bi (perfect for my draft)... Janet, is a freak! She would have been a top 5 pick but she dates JD (Lil Turd) and well she had to lose points for that.

#6... Allyson Felix & Serena Williams (I Want the condom to break so they can have my child division)... I am an advocate of safe sex however, in this case I want to go raw, in hopes to pull a "Tom Brady" and impregnate them both. Allyson is a multi-medal Olympian who is as fast as the wind and has a sexy body. Serena has a butta face but her body is sick and the the thought of bouncing quarters off her a$$ is too much to pass on. These two ladies are Physical specimens that will allow me to have a super athletic son. He would be a real life Universal Solider. Combining their DNA and my knowledge of sports, my sons will be First Round Draft picks in some sport!

#5... Jessica Alba & Jessica Biel (WHITE castle Division) This one would piss off Middle America. I would film this intense 3 way action, buy a bottle of Viagra and wear these young ladies out until the cows came home. The 4 hour film of hardcore action would make me millions on the web. White folks would be more upset at me then Obama winning the election. (Maybe not that mad)

#4... Angelina Jolie & Kim Kardashian (Freaks of Hollywood)
Angelina is just sexy and documented freak who likes to have sex with women. Kim Kardashian is a freak and likes to film her self having sex. This is a win win situation.. Angelina use to have a romper room in her house for crazy sexual encounters. Kim would have had a higher score but she slept with brandy's lil brother. *BRANDY's lil Brother*

#3... Gabrielle Union & Melinda Williams (best friends make best Ménage Partners division) This is my COCO night of love. These two young ladies have sexy chocolate skin and I have some Milk waiting for them. Thousands of kids will die from their stomach acid on this night of passion.

#2... Rosario Dawson & Alicia Keys (Two girls from the LES Division) Both girls are from the LES in NYC... I think I would have Alicia play the Piano while Rosario and I get the night started... I can see the weed smoke billowing in the back ground to give Rosario a flashback of KIDS and then have Alicia Keys rock her outfit from Smokin' Ace's and get the party started. Sorry I had to go 2 the bathroom, just the thought of this got me a little too excited!

#1... Halle Berry & Beyonce Knowles (Number 1 on every Black man’s list, except for David Justice, Wesley "I ain’t paying Taxes" Snipes, Spike Lee!
One's part deaf/crazy the other wears crazy wigs/weaves, but I love them both. What man would not want to be in this situation? The Grand Master of the KKK wouldn't even turn down this combination. Money, power, beauty-- it’s the ultimate combination. It’s like having a team with Jordan & Magic, Barry & Emmitt, Ruth & Bonds, Frosted Flakes & Milk... You just can not beat this combo... How much would you pay to see this threesome on Video? I don’t care if I look like Shrek, people would pay 500 dollars to see this Ménage in action. Obviously while filming this action packed film I would throw up the ROC just to see how it feels to be Jay-Z for a nut!

HONORABLE MENTION... I have no idea who this girl is but she is my Sub Alternate!

She is my Ace up the sleeve!!!! She is like Tony Romo, an undrafted free agent who will become a star.

The Monster is out of the cage!

2008-01-30T11:40:00.001-05:00

Credit: Beerleaguer.com for the picture

Live on Location from the Superbowl *

2008-01-30T08:44:00.000-05:00

*Complete and utter falsehood

So yesterday was the much vaunted Superbowl media day. Years ago when it was just becoming cool to send one or two whack jobs down there to break up the monotony of beat reporters asking players the same questions they got asked every other week, it felt innovative. It was funny to see the people who didn't normally cover football, ask players non-football questions. Now its just a mockery. The stories aren't funny or fun. Everyone who goes bitches and moans about it now. I mean shit, Bill Simmons doesn't even go out there anymore and it's an event thats practically created for people like him.

You'd have a much more interesting time just stalking parties to see who ends up falling over drunk, or find out what psuedo-celeb is going to cheat on their spouse that night. Preferably, I'd rather attend NBA All-Star Weekend.

At least INTERESTING things happen there.

The Epic Finale

2008-01-29T17:49:00.001-05:00

----------------
Now playing: Juelz Santana - S.A.N.T.A.N.A.
via FoxyTunes

Are you not entertained!!!!! Spaniard Spaniard! Spaniard!!!!!

Just in case you have been living under a rock for the past three hours or so. I would like to announce that the New York Mets have acquired LHP Johan Santana from the Twins for a bevy of minor league talent. The Mets were able to keep their top prospect, however, and additionally gave up NO major league ready talent.

I will be unbearable for the next 300 days or so...I have already begun to drink the blood of virgins.

The New York Mets' newest acquisition, Johan Santana,
shown in the midst of his offseason training regiment.

A long time ago...

2008-01-29T14:56:00.000-05:00

...I liked Vince Carter. This video epitomizes why:

Of Note:

Dunk victim: 7'2" Frederic Weis
Dunk Took place during the 2000 Summer Olympics
Was Dubbed the "le dunk de la mort" ("the Dunk of Death") in the French Press
Weis was selected 15th overall in the 1999 NBA Draft by, you guessed it, the New York Knicks. He never played a minute in the NBA, and I'm convinced he never came over out of intense shame.

Random Celebrity Endorsement

2008-01-29T11:52:00.000-05:00

"This website is the bomb. The content and level of excellence blows me away. I tick tick tick the seconds away until I get out of work and am finally able to log on to view the new posts. The site features an explosive combination of jokes, thoughts, news, and opinions. I love this website, it makes me burst with excitement and erupt in laughter! Keep up the good work guys!" - Dr. Theodore John "Ted" Kaczynski

Backcourt Violations

2008-01-29T09:25:00.000-05:00

(Photo Caption: This is what I think of when I think NBA, two poorly shaven Euros facing off)

There's certainly been more interesting nights in the association. The big news is Jason Kidd actually owning up to wanting out of NJ, and I guess the signing of Chris Webber to the Warriors. The first thing makes me happy. Kidd still has something left in the tank, and he's been downgrading his game with this current Nets squad. He's gonna be great on another contender. As far as Mr. Webber. My fascination with him goes back to this Fab 5 days at Michigan. Had an incredible combination of power, strength, size and speed. It was truly something to see. Even those first few years in Golden State with him, the infamous Latrell Sprewell, and current GM Chris Mullin, he was amazing. Fierce dunker, impact player on both ends of the court. Could even shoot the 3. However, he's always had a horrible attitude, and over time (and injuries) he managed to put the quietest 20 and 10 in NBA history (Knick fans you are seeing the fruit of his labor with Zach Randolph). What it comes down to is, I don't want my favorite team to watch, to employ a player I refuse to support.

New Orleans 117, Denver 93

The player singlehandedly carrying my fantasy team, Chris Paul, put up another gem with 23 points, 9 rebounds, and 17 assists and also was showered with MVP chants at various points during the game. What can I say besides...I agree.

Charlotte 107, LA Clippers 100

In the 3 games since being called to the carpet by the owner and then spanking the Kings, the Clippers are 0-3. So much for the thought that an owner's tirade could actually impact the players on the court. Also how badly did the Bobcats blow the drafting of Adam Morrison. I'll name my first kid SixtyNine if Morrison ever makes any kind of NBA impact.

Utah 97, San Antonio 91

Two of the league's more boring franchises play a game that couldn't hold my interest for more than a few minutes. Nothing like watching Jerry Sloan and Gregg Popovich scowl at each other. Makes you long for the days of Vinny Del Negro.

It's Pea-Nuts Muthafuckas!

2008-01-29T07:30:00.001-05:00

Peanuts & Wu-Tang Clan
Comedy Ensues

hat tip to http://www.ohword.com/ for the strip

Fucking Eli Manning!

2008-01-28T16:24:00.000-05:00

This honestly might be one of the funniest things I have ever seen! Nothing can touch this... I am not a fan of the man in the Video, he was a horrible man, but the parody was hilarious.

Thanks for this link Vegan!

Backcourt Violations

2008-01-28T16:18:00.000-05:00

You know sometimes you just don't feel like doing shit. Today is one of those days. That's why this is late.

I'm all for the Nets trading Jason Kidd, he doesn't want to be there, and the team is awful. Once you trade him, the next step is trading the scourge that is Vince Carter, and then you rebuild. NBA All Star game needs to take on a different format. I'm all for a International Stars vs. American Stars game. If the West tries its impossible for them to lose an All Star game.

Also I don't think you need to look for me in New Orleans this year. I wouldn't have gone down there before Katrina.

Cleveland 98, LA Lakers 95

Probably the marquee matchup of the weekend. Tell me you saw Kobe catch a Lebron James jumper in his mouth at the end of the game (I'm a self professed Kobe hater) that was probably the highlight of my weekend. Waved off a screen specifically so that he could put the dagger in with Kobe guarding him one on one.

Orlando 96, Boston 93

If KG plays Boston wins this game, simple as that. Nice miracle shot from the Turk to end the game.

Minnesota 98, New Jersey 95

Ah the Nets, welcome to the lottery. The Timberwolves had 7 wins going into yesterdays game. Al Jefferson is the Cloverfield monster.

Milwaukee 105, Washington 102, OT

Wiz had a furious comeback from being down 11 points at the end of the 4th quarter, but still came up short in OT. To all those who think they might be better off without Gilbert Arenas. This is exactly the kind of game Gilbert wouldn't let them lose.

Movies that Need a Sequel?

2008-01-28T13:45:00.000-05:00

COOL as ICE, 1991 Featuring Vanilla Ice

Sadly Cool as Ice was "meant" to be a remake of a true American Cinema Classic, James Dean's Rebel without a Cause. Sadly the producers made one fatal mistake, they hired Vanilla Ice as the lead. I am convinced Suge Knight hung the producers of this movie off the side of the building because it is not humanly possible someone in Hollywood would green light this project unless their life was in imminent danger. My critique of this movie would not do it any justice so I will let my friends at IMDB.com have the honor.

"Worse than the acting is the absolutely hilarious Cameo by Naomi Campbell in the opening credits, who screams her way through a really really hideous song whilst dancing badly and constantly trying to brush her hair away from her face.

After this initial horrific all singing all dancing intro, some slut gives Vanilla her phone number just so that we're reminded how great Vanilla ice is, and then the film starts proper. At this point you're just recovering from the awfulness of the dark warehouse intro, and suddenly you're assaulted by the wildly vivid colours of... pretty much everything actually, it's a constant throughout the film that everything is just too vivid, its hard to explain, but once you've noticed it, its actually quite amusing.

This is pretty much how the film goes, just as you think you've seen the most awful scene in cinematic history, along comes another, worse one that manages to make the last one look average. A great example of this is the way that in the first couple of minutes, Vanilla 'bunny hops' his 250kg GSXR-1100 over a 5 foot high fence. An absolute classic moment in cinema which stays with you... kind of like syphilis.

But it's for all these reasons (and hundreds more) that you should watch this film. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I've never really been an advocate of the 'so bad it's good' school of thought, but I'll make an exception for this film. Not only have I seen it many times, but I bought it new from Amazon a little while ago so I can say I have an original copy. In years to come it will be completely priceless, such is the cult following of this shocking celluloid mistake.

I really would recommend that you see it, not because it's great, but just so you can appreciate how bad something can actually be, and how much of a complete freak of a movie this is."

Now is that not an endorsement for a SEQUEL? Who would you cast in COOL as ICE 2 (Ain’t no time to Melt Now)

d$ and Paz do up the Royal Rumble

2008-01-28T12:41:00.000-05:00

d$ and myself attended the Royal Rumble at MSG on Sunday night. Here are some notes from the evening….

-Grey’s Papaya has the recession special going strong. 2 dogs and a 14oz soda for $3.50 (which already includes the tax)

- Watching people look around for 5 minutes before entering a porn store is priceless.

- Apparently they have a professional lacrosse team in NY that plays their home games in MSG and their mascot looks like a Megaman villain reject. (Clownshoe man)

-SNY was interviewing people outside MSG. As one of the interviews came to an end d$ yelled out “I love you Chris Cotter!!” He was spotted, thus ruining his shot at being interviewed.

-Mike Adamle (former American Gladiators announcer) now works for the WWE. Too bad he didn’t bring Larry Csonka with him

-Ric Flair was rocking the greatest robe of all time to the ring. Glistening and glorious.

-For the most part New Yorkers tend to root for the bad guys. (myself included)

-Mike Adamle called Jeff Hardy…"Jeff Harvey"…Where’s Gemini when you need him?

-Michael Buffer still has a phenomenal head of hair and “Let’s get ready to Rumble!” still stirs the crowd into a frenzy.

-Turley from ‘The Longest Yard’ is a wrestler whose only skill is being 15 feet tall.

-‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper is one of the coolest people alive, if you don’t believe me rent the movie “They Live” where he utters the line….”I came here to chew gum and kick ass…..and I’m all out of gum”.

-New York absolutely hates John Cena, yet when he made his surprise entrance the crowd went wild. (Must of been a mostly Yankee fan crowd...1st at bat: boo A-rod stinks...2nd at bat: yay A-rod hit a homer we will love him forever...3rd at bat: boo A-rod stinks)

-Saw Cowbell Man walking down the elevator wearing a sweet leather Mets coat over his smooth Coogi sweater. Don’t hurt em Cowbell Man. He let us know that he's heading down to Port St Lucie soon. I wonder if he packs his cowbell or if they let him carry it on the plane. Just a thought.

-As we were leaving we saw a drunk guy 40 something year old guy wearing a tie dye dragon t-shirt being held back by his mother after the security guards would not let him back up the stairs to go to the bathroom. "I'll kick your asses ::bangs on door:: I'll pee right in front of you then!" We later saw that same man peacefully enjoying a pretzel by himself on a street corner.

-We spotted Darryl Strawberry leaving from the players/wrestlers exit which lead to a raucous “Darryl…Darryl…Darryl” chant throughout the streets of NYC.

Royal Rumble 2008 preview

2008-01-26T23:34:00.000-05:00

The Royal Rumble, while considered one of the “Big Four” WWE Pay-Per-Views, is really, in my eyes, one of the big two. The Royal Rumble starts the 8 to 10 week ‘Road to Wrestlemania.’ For more than the last decade, the winner of the Royal Rumble is guaranteed a championship match at Wrestlemania and this year is no different. There are 5 matches, including the Rumble, and 24 identified Rumble participants… I will give you my preview for the event.

Chris Jericho vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield

JBL returned from almost a two-year absence from the ring to interfere in Jericho’s WWE title match. Having two returning wrestlers in a feud really does nothing for either on of their mojos, but they’re both great competitors and great at what they bring to the table.

Jericho and JBL are two of the best mic workers and the two of them have some how carved an intriguing match despite an incredibly rushed feud.

I’m a huge Jericho mark, so I’m hoping he goes over here, but something really gives me a bad feeling here. I’m expecting a JBL disqualification to give Jericho the victory…

Career Threatening Match: Ric Flair vs. United States Champion MVP

Ric Flair will go over another peak superstar here, though, this time, I think he’ll get a submission victory after inference from Matt Hardy to setup MVP vs. Matt Hardy at Wrestlemania. Thankfully MVP has enough juice so that a loss here won’t kill his momentum.

World Championship Match: Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

There is zero chance Rey Rey wins this match, but they’re two great workers and it’ll be a great match. Edge hits the Spear after interference from the Edge-Heads.

WWE Title Match: Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy

I’m surprised how well this match has been built up and how excited I am to see it. Orton has been a solid Champ and I expect him to make it through this match to job to the Rumble winner at Wrestlemania. Hardy has all the mojo in the world with him right now and he deserves to go over here, but it won’t happen… if it does, the roof of MSG will come off. Orton will over by pinfall…

Royal Rumble match

Usually, wrestlers in World Title matches don’t participate in the Rumble, but other wrestlers on the card usually will, so I’m surprised MVP, Flair, Jericho and JBL aren’t listed as Rumble participants. In those 6 slots, two names will come out of no where, 2 will be surprises and 2 will make sense… I’m guessing Sgt. Slaughter and IRS will be the names coming out of no where, the Big Show and The Rock will be the surprises and CM Punk and Matt Hardy will be the two logical slot fillers. If I get one of those right, I’ll be happy.

Now, the 24 listed participants, in reverse order of how good I believe their chances are to win the Rumble:

No Chance in Hell
24. Tommy Dreamer
23. Chuck Palumbo
22. The Miz
21. Santino Marella
20. Hardcore Holly
19. Jamie Noble

Legends
18. Mick Foley
17. Kane

Guys They Won’t Push Correctly
16. Snitsky
15. Mark Henry
14. Carlito
13. Shelton Benjamin
12. Cody Rhodes
11. Big Daddy V

Irish people
10. Hornswoggle
9. Finlay

With the Right Push, It’d Make Sense
8. Umaga
7. The Great Khali

Former Darlings, One Last Shot
6. John Morrison
5. Mr. Kennedy

Contenders
4. Batista
3. Shawn Michaels
2. The Undertaker

Married to the Princess… and Winner of the 2008 Royal Rumble
1. Triple H
Triple H will win the Rumble, his second, to only further cement his “place in history.” God, I hate Triple H… but I cannot wait for the Rumble. Expect a review Monday…

(I hate to make another sports post, but...)

2008-01-26T18:04:00.000-05:00

...the 15-game losing streak, the longest in NBA history (for a team that reached championship status just two years ago) has ended.

HALLELUJAH!

That said, how embarrassing would it be to lose to the Heat at home?

Hip Hop's Bastard Children Vol. 1

2008-01-25T18:37:00.000-05:00

Nas creates AZ

Nasir Jones first album, Illmatic, is critically acclaimed as one of, if not the, best single album ever released or recorded in the brief history of rap music. Hell, in certain circles, this cd is considered among the best musical recordings to take place in the 20th century.

For many reasons, this album will be remembered as the point at which rap music became a legit art form. The stylings of KRS-1, the lyrical wizardry of Rakim, and the bantering humor of a Slick Rick were all drawn together to create an album whose impact sparked the mainstream acceptance and growth of America's definitive sound.

But there is a dark side to this...

On the track, "Life's a Bitch" one of Nas' homies from the QB projects, a rapper by the name of AZ was given life. He breezed over and through one of L.E.S.'s most laid back and jazzy tracks with an unforgettable verse and delivery, promising that "as long as we leavin thieven, we'll be leavin with some kind of doe" among other gems.

To bad for him the ride crashed to a halt almost immediately. AZ was able to follow up his appearance with some modest contributions on The Firm's : The Album as well as a career's worth of solo projects from Aziatic, to S.O.S.A. (Save Our Streets AZ) , to Pieces of a Man...but alas, it simply was not to be.

While AZ reached a strong level of success for a bastard child, he remains one birthed into the game without direction. He was never able to amount to the success of his "father" Nas, and as a result has faded into obscurity

AZ the Visualiza
Visualizin the realism of life and actuality 
Fuck who's the baddest a person's status depends on salary
And my mentality is, money orientated
I'm destined to live the dream for all my peeps who never made it cause
yeah, we were beginners in the hood as five percenters
But somethin must of got in us cause all of us turned to sinners 
Now some, restin in peace and some are sittin in San Quentin 
Others such as myself are tryin to carry on tradition
Keepin the schwepervesence street ghetto essence inside us 
Cause it provides us with the proper insight to guide us
Even though, we know somehow we all gotta go 
but as long as we leavin thievin we'll be leavin with some kind of dough 
so, and to that day we expire and turn to vapors 
me and my capers-ll be somewhere stackin plenty papers
Keepin it real, packin steel, gettin high
Cause life's a bitch and then you die

Movies that need a Sequel?

2008-01-25T14:18:00.000-05:00

Who in the hell do I have to sleep with to get a sequel of the movie SOLO featuring Mario Van Peebles? Why wasn't a sequal made? Why wasn't SOLO nominated for at least 3 Oscars and 4 Golden Globes? Martin Scorsese gets an Oscar for Departed but Norberto Barba gets no love for SOLO. Who bribed the movie critics in 1996 to trash a cinema classic? WHO, WHO I ASK! No Justice, No PEACE! I want a Sequel!

Stickin' it to the man....

2008-01-25T12:08:00.000-05:00

Nothing let's people know how you really feel more than writing in 10 foot letters on your roof. A couple in Philly decided to do just that. Fed up with the noise caused by the planes flying over their house they decided to let the Federal Aviation Administration know exactly how they felt.

Sing it sister!

That got me thinking. There's a message I'd love to put on my roof addressed to those fine feathered friends of ours.

"Dear Birds....Fuck off....stop shitting on my car....keep your little beaks shut until 9:00am then squawk all you friggin want I don't care I'll already be at work....if your going to shit on a statue make sure that it's a statue for somebody pretty lame that didn't deserve a statue to begin with....like John Elway....come to think of it he might not even have a statue yet....but I hope he does get one just so that you guys can shit on it....I hate John Elway....not as much as I hate Hakeem Olajuwon but that's a separate discussion....he doesn't need a statue to shit on you can just aim for him personally....crows can ignore this message....you guys are cool....how awesome was that movie with on of you guys in it?....so awesome"

I'd have to have a pretty big house to fit all that on the roof in 10 foot letters but you get the point.

Cmon Pookie!

2008-01-25T11:44:00.000-05:00

The weekend is almost here and not a moment too soon.... Whatever you plan on doing this weekend have fun but be forewarned..... Stuff like this happens all the time.....

Throwback: NBA Live 95

2008-01-25T11:38:00.000-05:00

Man oh man. EA Sports did a number on me in the mid 90’s. The games they put out for FIFA, NHL, and NBA literally stayed locked in my Sega Genesis. My kid brother and I would play NHL ’94/’95 for hours on end trying to see how many goals we could score and how many players we could injure on each team. But in 1995 there was a seminal moment for Basketball in video games.

NBA Live ’95 came out, and a star was born. To this point arguably my favorite basketball video game was Jordan vs. Bird for NES. Looking back at that game, it was pretty awful, but hell the strange dunk contest thing was pretty cool. And who could forget the magnificent music that played during pretty much every event in the game. Obviously NBA Live had some precursors. Namely:

Lakers vs. Celtics (Only could use 8 teams)
Bulls vs. Lakers (MJ was actually in this game)
Team USA Basketball (Hilarious to kick France’s ass)
Bulls vs. Blazers (Custom teams was a major plus)

Then NBA Live hit the scene. You mean I can call plays? All 27 teams are available? I can speed up my players with a “turbo” button. Dunk at will with players who have no business dunking, in situations where dunking doesn't seem possible? You got it! Twas a big moment for me. I think I played that game until it broke. It even saved all of your info! My kid brother and I would play as the all star teams, and battle late into the night. I even vaguely remember trading Nick Anderson for Stacey Augmon (Not sure why). Even now 13 years later it still ranks as one of my favorite games of all time.

What you know about Litterial Green fool!?!

Backcourt Violations

2008-01-25T11:01:00.001-05:00

Two Spurs games in two nights...egh. I hate watching the Spurs play basketball. I know its being played well and all...but it's so damn boring. Friend of mine, MS, used to drive me nuts in college with all that "Big Fundementals" talk about Tim Duncan. I've never been any less interested in watching a particular player, that I didn't actually hate.

San Antonio 90, Miami 89

Spurs only led 3 times in this game if I remember correctly. Heat had every chance to win this one and end their incredible losing streak, but lets face facts the Heat are patently awful. They are pretty much the only reason I'm not taking daily shots at Isiah Thomas.

Golden State 121, New Jersey 119

Now THAT'S entertaining basketball. Of course Golden State's lack of ability to play defense allowed this game to be close. And god bless Don Nelson. He brought on little used euro rook Marco Belinelli specifically to foul woeful free throw shooter Josh Boone. IN THE THIRD QUARTER. It was hilarious, and the look on Boone's face was priceless. Also Monta Ellis might have a quicker first step than Barbosa. Just a thought.

VFerg Music

2008-01-24T18:37:00.000-05:00

Yo don't sleep, this boy got talent. Look at him wield that guitar.

TWO-OO EFFF!!!

What's your Motivation??

2008-01-24T14:26:00.000-05:00

237
Number of reasons people cite for having sex, according to a new University of Texas at Austin study. Reasons include "It seemed like good exercise" and "The person was a good dancer"

4
Percentage of U.S. adults who have never had sex

Source: Time Magazine

According to the article there are four main factors for sexual behavior: Physical, Goal-based, Emotional, and Insecurity-based. These reasons varied from “I wanted to say Thank you”, or “It’s exciting”. to “I was bored” or “I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease”.

Did you just pause right there?

Were you like, “oh shyt, thats a grimy muthasucka”?

Yes, it is, cause people suck (pun intended).

The sad truth is, not everyone enjoys sex, and there are people walking around thinking their sex is the bomb-diggity, when in actuality their partner would rather have a V-8.

Take a second and think about why you have sex, if you have sex.

Is your partner always satisfied?

Do you care?

Some men have failed stroke-a-nomics 101, and some women have fallen victim to the No-flex sex disease. Don’t let missionary be your downfall.

Talk about sex! Communication is the key to any good orgasm.

If you’re unsure about your personal tastes (pun?) try some pineapple for flavor, some strawberries for kink…

Go forth, be fruitful, but please don’t multiply. Wrap it up, it’s the law!

Backcourt Violations

2008-01-24T13:26:00.000-05:00

Little late today, actually had work to do. As much as I love the NBA, I'm also interested in the supposed top 4 guys coming out of college this year. So I'm planning on watching the televised games they have left so I can make some informed points...or something like that.

Cleveland 121, Washington 85

Sleepwalking + Perfect game from a big white dude named Zydrunas = total shellacking. Cavs aren't that good, Wiz aren't that bad.

Toronto 114, Boston 112

You probably figured I would lead with this game right, figuring the plucky Raptors defeating the mighty Celts would be a big deal. Wrong. EVERYONE knew the Celtics would hit a rough patch at some point. Most just figured it would be during their west coast trip. Jose "Tego" Calderon (only I call him that) converted a game winning 3 pt play. Somehow Boston ended up with Eddie House taking the final uncontested shot.

Denver 107, Atlanta 100

Marcus Camby is the best defensive player in the NBA, forget what you heard about Bruce Bowen or whoever else. It's not even close.

LA Clippers 111, Sacramento 85

So basically crazy owner Donald Sterling bashes Clippers head coach in the media one day. Next day Clippers go out and destroy Sacramento. If only it worked like that every time. If only the Clippers got to play Sacramento every night. Nice to see white people have a decent guy to cheer for (Chris Kaman).

San Antonio 103, LA Lakers 91

Spurs looked dead in the first half. Came out like gangbusters in the second half. Whatever Pop said to them worked. Get ready for the annual "Spurs start kicking everyones ass" streak.

M.I.A

2008-01-24T13:19:00.000-05:00

Have you seen Jericho "ACTION" Jackson? The only Black Action hero of the 80's.
If you have seen him please call 1-800-MIA-BLAC (1-800-642-2522).

His Fans miss him. Last seen on the Golf Course with a missing arm!

(I'm not a Giants fan, so I can admit that I expected Eli to get fucked in the mouth up at Lambeau last weekend.)

2008-01-24T12:56:00.000-05:00

So, I'm faced with a dilemma. I'm going to Haiti for Carnival on February 1st. This means I'll be in the poorest nation in the hemisphere, one that knows football only as motherfuckers kicking a round ball across a giant field, while the city (and hence my closest football friends) gathers to root for Big Blue to put that motherfucker Tom Brady in his place.

As a woman, my take on sports is a little different. I mean, I pull for my teams, bet like a fiend, and boo Isiah as much as any man, but I constantly think about the undercurrents of loyalty and emotion that make us sports fans.

We all have our rituals, our crews, our spots. They're of paramount importance. When our team is playing, our girlfriends (well, my boyfriend) know to leave us the fuck alone until the game's over. Watching the Superbowl with my boys is more important than spending Christmas with my family. But is it really just because we care which team gets a piece of rubber through a goalpost more than the other?

Being a real fan is like being in a relationship. You invest your emotions and faith, and it doesn't always pan out. Some losses hurt worse than others. Sometimes, your team sucks all season and you're consistently disgusted by them.

But still, you love them. Even if you want to gut the whole organization...fire the coach...bring in as much new blood as possible...your loyalty remains unshaken and you operate under the belief that the other party, your team, will work on shit until it's right.

And I know this more than most people...

...because I am a Heat fan. And after watching the Knicks lose countless times at the Garden, I had to watch them beat my team in their home arena Saturday. Weak.

Still love 'em, though.

Except for Shaq. Fuck Shaq.

P.S. Add the Shrine to Myspace.

And pull through for a drink. This place MUST survive.

W. 134th Street & Adam Clayton Powell.

A classic to help you finish out the week.....

2008-01-24T09:48:00.000-05:00

Springtime for Hitler

2008-01-24T07:41:00.000-05:00

This is ooooouuuuuuuur country!

NFL Fantasy Top 5 2008

2008-01-23T22:07:00.000-05:00

As the NFL season draws to a close, I have decided to leave you all with a gem for next season. Usually, I am clandestine as hell with my insights and knowledge, divulging information (and misinformation) to only a few trusted associates. However, being that I'm coming off the kind of wire-to-wire dominance that only the Post-Spurrier Gator's can understand, I've decided to level out the playing field a bit by giving you all a leg up.

And so without further ado, I give you my 2008 Top 5 Fantasy Players

1: Tom Brady - QB - New England Patriots

Wow, really!? Thanks a ton dickhead. I bet this is what many of you are saying to yourself right now. Well go eat a dick. Brady is the first non-runningback in the past decade who is worthy of leading off a draft. This guy was a scoring machine this season, putting up more than 500 fantasy points in a standard league with standard bonuses, and even in the games where he didn't dominate through the air (@Indy, Miami, @ Baltimore, Jets) he still did a more than admirable job of protecting the football.

So when you've got a guy with a ridiculous offensive line providing him with an offensive amount of time to locate the most talented receiving corps this side of Montana's Niners (fuck the Rams bitch.) and a top ten pick coming on the heels of a Superbowl appearance, I'd say it's safe to pass up on the RBs for a round.

2: Adrian Peterson - RB - Minnesota

Yeah I hear you guy's screaming at the top of your lungs! He's injury prone! He's splitting carries! He's not LDT! Fuck you guys man. There's a reason that they call him Purple Jesus, ask my friends at KSK. So bear with me for a goddamn minute, and let's take a closer look.

Peterson played in 14 games, and was shut down over the last two, with the Vikes collapsing and eschewing playoff competition. So in, effectively, 12 games, Peterson rushed for more than 1300 yards and 12 touchdowns! He did this while splitting carries with a runningback, recovering from a torn LCL in his knee, and hitting the proverbial rookie wall. He also broke the hundred yard mark six times, scored multiple tds four times, and broke 200 yards rushing twice!

This man runs behind the best run blocking line in the NFL, has a legit #2 back (provided the Vikes resign Chester Taylor) who can share the load, and NOT turn the ball over, and will only get better and stronger as he grows into his body (read: performance enhancers)

You skip on him because of his shoulder, or ankle, or knee...and I'll be laughing all the way to the bank...AGAIN.

3: LaDainian Tomlinson - RB - San Diego

This guy is the most consistent force in the history of fantasy football. Two seasons ago he caught 100 passes, in addition to rushing for well over 1000 yards. Last season he broke an itty bitty TD record, crushing 30 TDs in the process, and this past season he led the NFL in both rushing and rushing TDs (and added another four TDs receiving and passing).

So what if he shows up about as big as pre-superbowl Peyton in big games, and who cares if he slaps and pushes people in the locker room after every big game. This is the closest that I have ever seen to a guy whose numbers can be set in stone.

Be aware that in my examination, it is extremelly rare for a runningback to produce more than three consecutive dominant years. Marshall Faulk, Priest Holmes, Stephen Davis, and many others have all conspired to collapse after three years due to a myriad of factors. While it is true that all three of these backs were significantly older than Tomlinson's 28, it is a nagging issue in the back of my mind.

4: Randy Moss - WR - New England

Man what the fuck is this wide receiver doing in my top five?! This guy better be like Jerry Rice in hsi prime or some shit. People who take receivers in the first round, well they fucking lose! While all of the above is true, if you want this guy, you're gonna hafta reach for him. I would take him over Brian Westbrook, Joseph Addai, Brandon Jacobs, Clinton Portis, Willis McGahee, and an entire fleet of wookies. Have you seen this unshaven bastard in his red hood!? He looks like a crackhead! I mean, I honestly believe that the man in the picture sells all kind of dope.

We saw Randy put up an NFL record, 23 TD receptions (sorry Jerry), and catch nearly 100 passes for nearly 1500 yards. No receiver has had a season like this ever (Rice never combined all three of these aspects at such high levels in a single year). There is no way that he will be able to match this past season's output, but even considering a substantial drop off, let's say 85 catches for 1200+ yds and 13+ TDs, you will be getting the best receiver, and most dangerous playmaker in the NFL.

5: Brian Westbrook - RB - Philadelphia

I reserve the right to alter this spot if Donovan McNabb gets traded, Andy Reid gets fired, or Jon Runyan retires. Westbrook is the new Tiki Barber. This guy is constantly all over the field, catching screens and breaking through into the second level, where he is always a threat to take it to the house.

Westbrook played in 15 games, and broke 100 yds of total offense in all but two. While his TD #s dropped this season (only 7 rushing TDs) his consistent production and immense share of the Eagle's offense make him a no brainer in this spot. While his toughness and brittleness are always something to worry about, there is no fear of him losing production altogether as a result of the offense getting pass happy (Peyton Manning/Joseph Addai).

Plus Westbrook is often inserted as a punt returner in big situations, and in leagues that keep track of special teams touchdowns, this could boost you over the top in a big one.

Rapper Lil Wayne Arrested in YUMA!

2008-01-23T15:44:00.000-05:00

What a surprise another Rapper was arrested, WHEN WILL THEY LEARN... According to the AP lil wayne was arrested early Wednesday in YUMA, Arizona. The info is below. Also is a picture of Lil Wayne kissing bird man on the LIPS, they said its some black Mafia SHIT! I dont know its sounds more Brokeback Mountain then 3:10 to YUMA!

PHOENIX -- Rapper Lil Wayne was arrested on three felony drug charges early Wednesday after federal agents said they found illegal drugs including cocaine on his charter bus at a checkpoint in southwestern Arizona.
Lil Wayne, whose real name is Dwayne Michael Carter Jr., was being held at the Yuma County Sheriff's jail on state drug charges, Capt. Eben Bratcher said.

Carter appeared via video arraignment late Wednesday morning in a justice court in Wellton, 35 miles east of Yuma.
James Tilson, a local attorney retained by Carter and his New York-based lawyer, said his client was not formally charged and his next court date was scheduled for Jan. 25.
"We will find out by Jan. 25 whether or not the (Yuma) county attorney will file charges or not," Tilson said. "He is looking forward to his day in court. That's all I can say right now."
His bond was set at $10,185. Tilson said they were working on his release.
The 28-year-old faces charges of possession of dangerous drugs, narcotics and drug paraphernalia.
Bratcher said Carter was arrested by Drug Enforcement Administration agents at a Border Patrol checkpoint near Dateland, Ariz., 78 miles east of Yuma.
DEA spokeswoman Ramona Sanchez said a Border Patrol canine unit alerted agents to the presence of illegal drugs on the bus. A search yielded nearly four ounces of marijuana, just over an ounce of cocaine, 41 grams of Ecstasy and miscellaneous drug paraphernalia. – AP

Bill Clinton Killed A part of my Childhood

2008-01-23T13:49:00.000-05:00

Bill Clinton Ruined My Childhood

Apparently as a Black Person it is sacrilegious to talk badly about Bill Clinton, “The First Black President”. He isn't labeled the 1st Black president because of his ability to overcome great barriers and strife, growing up in the poor south. Rather, it’s because he played the Saxophone, Smoked Weed and got head from an Ugly White woman. Nonetheless, I am still a BIG fan of Bubba, until I uncovered information suggesting Bill Jefferson Clinton is responsible for killing a part of my childhood.

When BUBBA signed the Telecommunications act of 1998 it dissolved multiple restrictions previously placed on the Media Giants. The act allowed the major networks to show adult oriented programming during the coveted 2pm – 5pm time slot. Instead of innocent cartoons -- shows like the Jerry Springer & Maury were allowed into the time slot. Children today are watching programs such as WHO IS MY BABY’s DADDY, instead of cartoons.

Because of the Telecommunication, Bill Clinton and the TV Execs who lobbied the Telecommunication ACT -- I find them GUILTY of murdering the following TV Shows!!! I will be holding a silent vigil for these shows from 3:00 pm to 5:00 pm…
Please hold up your lighter as I read the victim names.

Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers:
Came on after The Gummy Bears and only lasted a couple years but they were so cute… They were the older version of Alvin and the Chipmunks if you think about it!

Ducktales: What did Louie, Huey and Douie do to deserve such a death? WHAT DID THEY DO? Swim in Uncle Scrooge’s Money Bank one too many times?

TaleSpin: Who didn’t love big Ol’ Ballou? A spin-off off the Jungle Book, I blame Rickie Lake for their death, FAT BITCH!

Darkwing Duck: He Saved countless ducks in his cartoon and do you know how he was rewarded? Was killed flying south through Iowa in 2000 when George Bush was campaigning. Bush was trying to show he was a real Southern and a member of the NRA and shot Darkwing while he was migrating!

Goof Troop: Who didn’t love Goofy? The forgotten man of Disney! All he wanted to do was get away from Mickey Mouse’s’ shadow and coke problem. He landed his own show in 1995. His show was suddenly taken off the air and he disappeared for ever. Some people say Mickey had something to do with it but he was in rehab when the disappearance occurred! The last sighting of Goofy was in Virgina, at the Bad News Kennels.

Anamaniacs : They were suppose to be locked in the VAULT for ever but Spielberg let them out. They were mysteriously trapped in the closet with R. Kelly but there has been no proof, Dot will not testify against Kelly and is currently living on his estate in Chicago.

Gizmoduck: I can’t even say enough about Gizmoduck, he was featured on three other cartoons… Ducktales, Darkwing Duck and Gizmoduck… Poor guy… So what if he was busted for using steroids. After he was canceled and replaced by The Sally Jesse Raphael show he committed suicide. Some say it was the steroids, I say it was due to the betrayal by Clinton.

Tiny Toons:
Tiny Toons is one of my favorite cartoons of all time. Sadly, child stars always fade fast do the high life. Babs Bunny is apparenlty turning Trixs in California and Buster Bunny never recovered from the Murder of Bugs Bunny. . Buster was last seen in Vegas working magic shows. He is a functioning alcholic and has more chidlren then Shawn Kemp.

Save by the Bell: Was the only show to survive the purge and to be honest it thrived. But the success was also their demise. Lisa, my imaginary wife at the time has only been in one Movie of note, since Save by the Bell, “How High”, Zach has had a solid career, Jesse ended up on Showgirls and has been doing soft porn on Skinamax, Slater went on Dancing with the Stars, and Screech made a home made porno and got coked out of his mind with Mickey.

The 1998 Telecommunications Act Ruined Everyone

Backcourt Violations

2008-01-23T11:07:00.000-05:00

I wish more people cared about basketball. We're really in the midst of one of its better seasons, and most of the country couldn't give a damn.

Phoenix 114, Milwaukee 105

Much closer than it needed to be. Nash drops 37 day after I call Chris Paul the best PG in the NBA (he still is Nashie, sorry), obviously he must be reading this. Who the hell knows whats going on in Milwaukee. Outside of Redd, Bogut and Mo Williams, who do you really covet on that team?

Sacramento 128, New Jersey 94

I'm originally from The Jerz, so I always have special spot (by special I mean haphazard interest) for the Nets. God are they terrible. I watched them over the weekend and I've never seen a more disinterested club. Vince Carter is like poison for the NBA. All the talent in the world, but the same amount of courage and heart as the guy Daniel Craig played in Road to Perdition. Seems they might be on the verge of a big trade, but unless they are freeing themselves of VC, it won't help.

Stallone: Hall of Badass

2008-01-23T10:02:00.000-05:00

In the past 30+ years there has been many action heroes who have come into our lives. These action stars have kicked, punched, jumped, and stomped into our hearts. I'm talking about guys like Bruce Willis, Chuck Norris, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Steven Seagal, Jackie Chan, Chow Yun Fat, Schwarzenegger, and the incomparable Mario Van Peebles. All the guys I speak of are great action stars, but none of them have created more iconic characters than Sylvester Stallone. Here is a look back at some of the biggest and baddest Stallone creations.

Rocky Balboa

(Rocky I-V, Rocky Balboa)

"No, maybe I can't win, maybe the only thing I can do is just take everything he's got. But to beat me, he's gonna have to kill me, and to kill me, he's gonna have to have the heart to stand in front of me, and to do that, he's gotta be willing to die himself and I don't know if he's ready to do that. I don't know, I don't know."

John Rambo

(First Blood, Rambo:First Blood Part II, Rambo III, Rambo)

"I could have killed 'em all, I could kill you. In town you're the law, out here it's me. Don't push it. Don't push it or I'll give you a war you won't believe. Let it go. Let it go. "

Raymond "Ray" Tango

(Tango & Cash)

[Tango has just stuck a grenade down a bad guy's pants] "My contribution to birth control."

Lt. Marion "Cobra" Cobretti

(Cobra)

"You're a disease - and I'm the cure."

Lincoln Hawk

(Over The Top) "The world meets nobody halfway. When you want something, you gotta take it."

Frank Leone

(Lock Up)"Well, one night these punks broke into the garage and put a beating on old man Galetti. The whole neighborhood knew about it. The cops knew about it. But I guess these punks were connected, so the cops didn't do anything and I did. So after all the smoke had cleared, these guys ended up in the hospital and I ended up doing 18 months in Treadmore for aggravated assault."

John Spartan

(Demolition Man) "You're gonna regret this the rest of your life... both seconds of it."

Judge Joseph Dredd

(Judge Dredd)"I am the law! Put down your weapons and prepare to be judged."

TV Doldrums Lifesaver

2008-01-23T08:41:00.000-05:00

Do you know who the man in the center of that picture is?

You should. It's the magnificent Chris Hansen, obviously talking to some idiotic pedophile who thought talking to a young girl on the internet was a wonderful idea. I really could find zero to watch last night, but at the last minute, I flipped past MSNBC and lo and behold, To Catch a Predator was on. Instant hour of entertainment. I could go on for hours about how utterly entertaining this show is, but a friend of mine wrote about it recently, and probably did a better job than I'd ever do.

Chris Hansen rules!

To Catch a Predator Running Diary - Copy and Cigarettes

Bionic Commando ReArmed: Preview

2008-01-22T21:53:00.000-05:00

Nathan Spencer is the Bionic Commando

Super Joe is back. But this time they gave him the queer ass name of Nathan Spencer. His name was Super Joe, and he touched my soul. He is as responsible for my multiple versions of substance abuse, addiction to meaningless distracting pursuits, and absolute insensitivity towards various forms of violence, racism, sexism, fascism, and iz-ism.

But enough of that. In Bionic Commando you play as a lone soldier taking on an army (called the Badds in the 80s). With a gun in one hand and a coiled arm composed of the most modern technologies, you are a one man shit kicking crew. You go in and take names.

But now it's 2008, and what was cool on the NES ain't gonna fly. As a result, we've got a suped up, albeit 2D, version of the original game. The arm has extra abilities, such as the ability to tear an enemy's cover away from him. The guns are more plentiful and pack that much more of a punch. And the action is every bit as fast and furious as its always been. Oh and check out the visuals. 2D has never looked more betterer.

Bionic Commando ReArmed is going to be available for download on both XBox Live and the Playstation Network. In addition to this reworked 2d model of the game, there is a full on 3d version of the game on the way as well.

Anyway, check out the video for a nice trailer.

Note: Capcom will make the Devil May Cry 4 Demo available for download tmrw Jan 24th on XBL and PSN. According to the article on ign.com the demo will show off several areas from the final game, a tutorial on using new character Nero's powers, and culminate in a final boss battle against Berial.

Dante,
the main character of the Devil May Cry franchise,
and an all around bad ass.

Part 3 of an 8 part series: Inanimate objects I would like to have sex with

2008-01-22T21:27:00.001-05:00

Whassa matter, Eli? Wondering why you made my list? You’re the most inanimate person alive today… but I love you more than I could ever express.

You will never hold my heart like Chad does, but man, that guy is so full of life. You, my friend, are a walking robot. After winning the NFC Championship game, you plodded along the field searching for the only person you wanted in your arms after the game… the punter.

And, damn… that post-game interview. You reacted like you just won a Jeff Spicoli
Look-a-like contest… “I-am-glad. No-I-am-very-happy. Ha. This-is-me-happy. We-are-going-to-the-Super-Bowl.”

So, why do I love him so much? Good question.

I think because he gets crapped on so much. He’s a very good quarterback and seems to be a very good guy… yet, he gets so much crap. Uncalled for. He’s the man.

And anybody who can score a chick like this, with the personality of a radar gun has to be good in the sack…

…d$’s coming Eli… Hide your heart, bro…

Ingrid, Thank you for restoring my faith in music...

2008-01-22T20:39:00.000-05:00

In my life I’ve really only had three things in my life I can truly call my own; my sports fandom, my writing and poetry & my musical tastes. This blog is about the last on the list.

My first true memory was when I was around 8 or 9 years old, when I bought Billy Joel’s new CD “River of Dreams.” It was momentous for me in a million ways, but the biggest part of it was that I, at least in my own head, was part of the music. …I still am.

It’s funny, in a lot of ways, I’m not the same person I was, even as recently as a year ago, but music has the power to bring me to a place better than myself. For a decade, Billy Joel’s music helped me survive. His music and lyrics allowed me to live a life that otherwise might have ended, purely of stress and pain alone.

After graduating high school, I started to get into this acoustic pop artist names John Mayer. I loved “Why Georgia”, “St. Patrick’s Day”, “No Such Thing.” …hell, I still do, but when Heavier Things came out in October 2003, my life changed.

Billy Joel was the music of my life up to that point, having the strength to get through the toughness of the world.
John Mayer wrote the words of mid-20’s plight perfectly… and I was hooked. In my biased opinion, I believe Heavier Things presents a beautiful transition from the man John Mayer was to the man he wants, and knows, he can be.

In a lot of ways, I lived that transition myself.

For the past few months, I’ve been enamored, in more ways than one, with an emerging artist: Ingrid Michaelson. Everything with her clicks, which I think is awesome. I saw her open for Josh Radin and Schuyler Fisk 12 months ago, but in her short set, she stole the show.

She’s beautiful, witty, dorky, talented… self-actualized.

It’s no surprise that her music came into my life at this point. I am, and have almost become, the best of who I am. I’m achieving my self-actualization and it’s a beautiful thing.

Back to Ingrid… her words are simple and poignant, but incredible powerful. I’m jealous of her in a lot of ways. I know I’m a badass writer, but I can be long-winded and sticky in a lot of ways… this post included…

She’s the complete opposite of who I am as a writer, which is why I think I love her music and words as much as I do.

She has the goods to make it and her star is rocketing right now. At Starbucks today, they played one of her songs "Breakable", which I don't think has been getting airplay... and I'm hoping that it does. It's an incredibly well-crafted song and even inspired my own poem "Unbreakable" ... I am a dork.

Nonetheless...

Music is a huge part of my life… more so than almost everyone’s (and I don’t mean that to be condescending, it’s the simple truth…). I’m lucky to be fans of incredible artists such as Elvis Costello, Green Day, James Taylor, Weezer, Cary Brother, Brandi Carlile, and so on.

I’m just lucky to have three great artists that I can call my favorite… One ship is fading, one is in the stars, and one is raising the bar… and I hope I’ll be lucky enough to be along for the ride as long as I can.

TJ, Just keep me where the light is…

Nothing but love.

R.I.P. Heath Ledger

2008-01-22T17:02:00.000-05:00

Heath Ledger, 28 years of age, was found dead in a Manhattan apartment today.

NEW YORK - A New York Police Department spokesman says the actor Heath Ledger has been found dead at a downtown Manhattan residence.

According to TMZ.com, Ledger, 28, was found dead in his bed in one of his residences in Soho by his housekeeper at 3:35 p.m. ET Tuesday.

The actor has a two-year-old daughter with former fiancee Michelle Williams. Ledger was set to play the Joker in the upcoming Batman film "The Dark Knight." He received an Academy Award nomination for his work in "Brokeback Mountain." original story posted by MNBC.com

My inside Source at the NYPD said pills were found next to his bed... More to come later!

Farewell Corner Boys

2008-01-22T13:41:00.000-05:00

3.1 million

Number of people from age 12 to 25 who have used over-the-counter cough and cold medicines to get high

140

Number of nonprescription medications that contain the cough suppressant DXM, which in high doses acts as a dissociative hallucinogenic drug

Source: Time Magazine

Who needs the corner boys when you can get your legal fix at Rite Aid!

A spoon fill a day will make that high stay, so grab that Tussin and get your drink on today!

2 Girls 1 Cup: Kermit the Frog's Take

2008-01-22T13:05:00.001-05:00

Cleophus: Kermit I want your reaction on this clip I am about to show you.
Kermit: What type of clip?
Cleophus: (((Short Pause))) Its about recycling and sharing... let my assistant set you up, we will type in the website for you and film your reaction.
Kermit: Ok lets do it!

Cleophus: What did you think!
Kermit: YOU SICK BASTARD!

Bill Has a Dream!

2008-01-22T12:51:00.001-05:00

Bill Clinton nods off during Martin Luther King III's speech at his father's memorial service. This is simply further evidence that Bubba was the first black president, they served ribs at the pre-service banquet.

Backcourt Violations

2008-01-22T11:36:00.000-05:00

Quite a nice little day of basketball for me (watched 4 games). Major news for the day, Carmelo Anthony might be hurt. I'm sure thats exactly what MLK Jr. wanted on his day of rememberance...a crapload of basketball games. But I sure wasn't complaining.
San Antonio 95, Charlotte 86

Rumors of San Antonio's demise were greatly exaggerated. Duncan was Duncan, Manu and TP showed up, and someone even remembered to plug in Michael Finley's batteries overnight. People need to realize they don't start paying attention 'til April.

Washington 102, Dallas 84

Break up the Wiz. 4th in conference, and no set date for Gilbert Arenas return. They're actually playing DEFENSE, who'd have thunk it.

Boston 109, New York 93

Ejections aplenty. Quentin Richardson, last reported missing on a milk carton, got ejected as well as Paul Pierce, who seems to have horrible temper when playing bad teams. Kendrick Perkins (huh) dropped 22 in the first half. Precursor to the worst superbowl ever.

Portland 111, Atlanta 109, OT

Travis Outlaw with the game winner. I mean, do they even consider rushing Oden back at all at this point.

Utah 109, LA Clippers 93

Utah picks up a road win against a Clipper team thats either going through the motions, bad, or both. Seems there was a Matt Harpring sighting as well. White people still have hope (hahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahah)

New Orleans 106, Milwaukee 92

Chris Paul is the best PG in the NBA.

Minnesota 109, Golden State 108

When you play as out of control as the Warriors do (by design) sometimes you lose to the red headed bastard step child of the NBA.

Memphis 104, Chicago 90

Memphis best player is named Gay. Bulls don't have a best player. 'Nuff said.

Orlando 102, Detroit 100

'Shard earned his (ridiculously overpriced) keep with the game winner. But to get to that point, Chauncey Billups literally took 4 steps after a dribble to tie it at 100. Who needs crooked refs, the bad ones are enough to fix games on their own.

Tom Brady: Sissy Mary?

2008-01-22T11:07:00.001-05:00

I'm a New Yorker but I can admit that the newspapers here are ridiculous. I also hate Tom Brady and the Patriots but let's get serious here. "Girlie man limps home"? It's actually "girlie man limps home to have sex with a hot brazilian Victoria's Secret model". We should all be such "girlie men".

Note: Brady is confirmed to have a high ankle sprain that will not cause him to miss the superbowl

How're you feeling today?

2008-01-21T20:18:00.000-05:00

2008-01-21T16:19:00.000-05:00

Title: Going to the Knicks Vs. Wizards Game

By: Dwayne “Cleophus” Wayne

6:35 – Cleophus – Walks into his house, the smell of dinner fills the air. Ahhh the life, a cold beer and hot dinner waiting for him on the table. Wait, why isn’t she wearing lingerie? 1 deduction point!

6:36 – Telemundo – your dinner’s ready, hurry up and eat so you can get to the game. You can’t be late, Ol’ G will get mad.

6:41 – Cleophus – devours food like a Hoover.

*Check List*

Fire Isiah Shirt – Check

Video Camera – Check

Sodas to sneak into the Garden to save money – Check.

6:43 – Ol’ G calls, where are you, HURRY UP!

6:44 – Cleophus – turns to Telemundo, babe I forgot I am going to be late, going to hang out with the fellas after the game. Closes door.

6:44 – Telemundo – Muffled curse words in Spanish… (((Cleophus will sleep with one eye open tonight))))

6:50 Cleophus and Ol’ G get on the A train... a Mexican is playing a blues song called Chicken wings and pork fried rice. I had to give him $1 dollar for having the balls to sing that on the A train in Harlem.

7:15 Ol’ G picks up a sandwich at subway to sneak into the game, hence why he is Ol’ G

7:25 Walking up the steps to the Garden, a scalper is selling tickets to the Knicks game.

He would have a better chance selling mortgages in the Sub-Prime market. For amusement we ask him how much?. A glimmer of hope enters his eye. $60 dollars a piece! We walk away laughing, (Evil Laugh that is)… his hope dies fast.

7:35 We get to our seats. Great seats by the way.

7:37 Cleophus – looks up at the scoreboard – WHAT THE DEUCE, the Knicks are winning. They won their previous game but there is no way they can win two in a row. Can they?

7:50 Cleophus & Ol’ G stick with tradition and play “Who’s the Groupie.” In our section alone, 8 groupies, three mistresses and two wives.

(Sadly, SUPERHEAD was not at the game, but i brought my antibiotics just in case she walks by and breaths on me.)

8:00 What’s going on, no Fire Isaiah Chants, did I bring my shirt for no reason?

8:15 A boring game but the Knick are still winning. The Crowd goes crazy, what did I miss? An alley hoop? A sick Slam dunk? Nope, RW McQuarters and Brandon Jacobs from the NY Giants are in attendance. The place is going wild, the entire Garden is on its feet cheering wildly. I have not heard the garden this loud since the Fade to Black Jay-z concert.

8:30 David Wright of the Mets is also at the game. Not as warm of a reception. He must have felt like he was at Shea, Half cheers and half Boos. Poor David, he just wanted to grab some groupies tonight and he gets booed. Yes, the Knicks are still winning but no one is paying attention.

8:32 One of the Italians from the sopranos was at the game. He was wearing a velour suit, seriously.

8:55 It is obvious the producer has something against Stephon Marburry, (maybe the

producer’s daughter has

been in Stephon’s truck!?) he puts Stephon’s alien like head on the jumbotron,

the BOOS rain down and people began rioting asking for Stephon’s head. (Slight exaggeration, key word SLIGHT!).

9:30 The Knicks are still winning but the fans are not ready to accept they might win two in a row. Is the rapture, really near?

10:00 Alley hoop to David Lee, HOLY CRAP Brandon Jacobs baby mama is a fat white woman. Well, that relationship is not going to last.

10:20 The GARDEN is in complete shock. The KNICKS won… Two games in a row… there is a GOD!

10:45 Cleophus scared for his life decides to go right home instead of going out with the fellas. A Man selling a dozen roses for $5, on the train. I give him $4 and tell him to keep it moving. I give the flowers to Telemundo in hopes I will not get shanked in my sleep. All is good… All is well. I still sleep with one eye open…

Random Celebrity Endorsement of the Week

2008-01-21T15:34:00.000-05:00

"This website....or blog.....is a very good website....tantalizing even....but it's missing something....I think it could use a little more d$....gotta have more d$ baby" - Christopher Walken (Actor, Avid d$maniac)

Conference Title Games: Behind the Scenes

2008-01-21T09:50:00.000-05:00

"I wish I still had Jeff Gillooly's phone number" - Billy Volek

"It's easy Bill all you do is add a little gel, twirl it around your finger and it just stays like that the rest of the day" - Junior Seau

"Hey LT, hows the knee?....LT? Hello?" - Phil Rivers

"ZZZZZZZZzzzz" - LT

"I gotta get me one of them visors" - Phil Rivers

"You don't have a womb do you? no? OK just checking...Hey anybody seen Randall Gay?" - Tom Brady

"Yay! Now they wont pack me in the bag of sweaty jock straps on the plane ride home again! - Lawrence Tynes

"You haven't seen the last of me! I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling kids!" - Brett Favre

Feb. 3rd, 2008

2008-01-21T01:54:00.000-05:00

I'm going to qualify my statement somewhat before I make it. I'm a fan of the Dallas Cowboys. (P.S. for some reason I just watched the last 15 minutes of The Mod Squad, not helping my mood).

I've never been less interested in a super bowl my life. I guess I'm supposed to hate the Patriots like everyone else in America, but i'm not that much against them. I surely don't want them to win the Super Bowl, cause god knows when Peter King will stop slurping them if they do. But there's not a snowballs chance in hell of me cheering for the Giants to knock them off...absolutely not happening.

I'm obviously going to watch the game, but in not being able to cheer for anyone, I don't know how long I could possibly stick with it.

There's a good chance I'll be switching channels to this.

Goodnight Sweet Prince

2008-01-20T15:51:00.001-05:00

The thorough bred against a clamor,
or rather,
the porsche vs. a pickup truck.
--Larry Merchant, HBO Sports

And an era comes to a close. Longtime HBO color commentator, Larry Merchant, has either hung up the spikes, or finally bit the bullet. Last night during the return of Roy Jones Jr., Max Kellerman filled in for the greatest mind in the history of boxing. He did a passable job, but Merchant was something special.

Take note of the fan's soliloquy being cut short. "He was robbed, he was URK!"

My favorite part here is the chuckle after the comment...Merchant is certainly drunk at this point of the evening.

Where can I find this hat!?

2008-01-20T15:22:00.000-05:00

We're definitely going to need more help than this

Today I spoke with a very wise and passionate, albeit misguided (at times) Giants fan who reminded me that today is the most bittersweet day of the year (season). Today is the last true football day of the year until the NFL Draft.

What will happen to my Sunday without football? While the start of the baseball season and the impending distraction of fantasy baseball will make the wait that much easier, there is a rhythm to the football Sunday that makes me feel that everything is right in the world.

Now I have nothing to look forward to aside from a long and bleak February. Reruns of old movies will air at 230 on the WB, I will watch Jaws and the Terminator and Predator again. I will flip through the back channels looking for old episodes of Family Guy or The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I will continue to download and watch episodes of shows like The Wire and not much else (certainly not Gossip Girl).

I am filled with sadness. The clouds are gathering. The light is darkening. Perhaps I will try and get laid...

Also, swordfights are cool!

Conference Championship Sunday

2008-01-20T10:59:00.000-05:00

Thank Tom Jones Sunday is finally here. This weekend has gone by so slowly waiting for the best Sunday of football of the year. But there’s always a bittersweet feeling to Championship Sunday, knowing that there is only one more football game that season… and that game is for everyone but the football die-hards.

That’s alright, though, because we have a couple of classic football encounters in store for tonight. Harkening images of yesteryear, both games contested today will be played in well below freezing temperatures. It won’t be “The Greatest Show on Turf” or the best X’s and O’s games we will ever see, but the beauty of watching four teams braving the elements giving everything they have for a chance at the Super Bowl… we’re not lucky enough to see that every year.

For seven hours today, if you’re so lucky, you will meet with the guys for one last time this year... enjoying some food, some drinks, some jokes only the few of you think are funny… and enjoying, hopefully, two classic football games to tide us for two weeks until the Super Bowl. That’s what sports and the NFL is truly all about.

San Diego (+14) over NEW ENGLAND

In my head, I can see just about anything happening in this game. I can see the 17-0 Patriots get off to a fast start and blitzkrieg the Chargers out of the building; I can see the Chargers getting a quick turnover and score, while New England struggles in the first half… I’m going into this game expecting anything and praying to my Lord & Savior that it isn’t a Pats blow out.

That being said, I have to take the points. This line started at 14.5 and, to be honest, I’d feel a lot better getting that extra half-a-point. The Chargers have a tough defense, but Patriots offense is clearly the best in the league. New England doesn’t have their defense of years past, but San Diego injuries to Phillip Rivers, LaDanian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates, their three best players, can certainly slow them down.

I don’t expect this to be a high scoring game at all, which makes taking the 14 points that much easier. Something is telling me that the Chargers can win this game outright, but my head is telling me that just isn’t possible. Take the points, but don’t be shocked if the Pats go wild.

Patriots 29, Chargers 18

New York (+7.5) over GREEN BAY

This line actually climbed a half-a-point this week, which really shocks me. I know Green Bay blew out Seattle last week, but it’s hard for me to take that romp too seriously considering the Seahawks gave up after the Pack went up 11 going into halftime. The weather significantly affected that game.

What this game is going to come down to is two fold; One, can the Giants defensive line break through the Packers offensive line and get to Brett Favre and Two, what can this Giants offense do against a solid Packers defense.

I think the Giants defensive line is going to do just enough to get to Favre and I think the Giants depth of runners compared to just Ryan Grant of the Packers helps them a lot in this frigid weather game.

I’m probably speaking more with my New York heart than head with this pick, but I just think seven-and-a-half points are way too many for this type of game. Plus, I think the Giants finally have the meddle to get through this game and get to Phoenix. Hide your hearts, girls... Eli's coming to Phoenix.

Giants 16, Packers 14

If you smell what Barack is cooking...

2008-01-19T13:16:00.001-05:00

Here’s the thing… I can talk intelligently about politics all I want, but eff it. I’m going to talk in this forum about politics the way I wish it was played out. Imagine if you will…

::Barack sitting in his office::

“My fellow Americans…” No, no, no… damn! Why do I have to be all political and crap? Why can’t I just be myself? ‘No one wants to see the real Barack’… my ass. How am I supposed to read this train wreck diatribe my speech writer wrote for me… I need some new rhymes…

::Hits the intercom::

“Shelly, get Luda on the phone…”

“LUDA! It’s Barack. Listen, I need some real powerful beats for my next speech… none of that Austin Powers shit, though…”

::Barack puts his feet up and falls into a day dream::

Do you smell what Barack is cooking?

::Music hits::

Finally… Barack has come back to the White House!

::soaks up applause::

You have Rudy and Hillary and the whole lot of 'em running their jabroni mouths and Barack single-handedly took them out one by one by damn one… Barack has LAYETH THE SMACKETHDOWN on their CANDYASSES!!! IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLL…

::Wakes up, thinking::

Working with Luda or Laying the Smackethdown is fine… but I think Barack can do them all one better…

::slowly nods::

Playing W/ Yourself can Be Dangerous

2008-01-18T16:30:00.000-05:00

No need to write about this clip! Dude was just trying to play with himself apparently.

PEACE! Have a good weekend!

Wooooo! Ric Flair officially endorses Mike Huckabee

2008-01-18T16:14:00.000-05:00

You read that correctly America. Not only is the Chuck Norris pain train backing Mike Huckabee's presidential campaign but 'The Nature Boy' himself has hopped on board. At this point does anyone even need to listen to Huckabee's views to know that he's exactly what this country needs? I know I don't...my mind is already made up. Imagine if you will the fear in the eyes of evildoers when forced to choose how they will meet their demise.... a brutal palm thrust to the throat or a knife edge chop to the chest? A dropkick to the midsection or a chop block to the back of the knees? A double spinning reverse roundhouse kick to the back of the head or the figure four leg lock? Death won't be one of the options because that would let said evildoers off the hook far to easy.

Ric Flair: "Mike Huckabee is the Man, Wooooo!"

Do this country a 'solid' and make sure you vote for Mike Huckabee. His thoughts on taxes? Not important. His feelings on the war in Iraq? Who gives a shit. How would he handle the touchy subject of gay marriage? Doesn't really matter. All that matters is two words......NORRIS & FLAIR.

Even if Mike Huckabee doesn't win the election he might just take over the White House and sit in the Oval Office for four years straight. Who's going to remove him with Norris standing in front of the door and Ric Flair's leer jet flying overhead? Nobody...that's who...

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Look What We've Done...

2008-01-18T15:59:00.000-05:00

Thirsty Monkey

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I bet the ape is happy its Friday too.

A Real Life Cartoon

2008-01-18T15:24:00.000-05:00

I have always had a high level of respect for Dare Devils. Their courage / stupidity, is rewarded with our admiration and/or horror if their stunt goes wrong. The only reason we watch their stunts is due to the imminent presence of death. It is no different to why we watch boxing in hopes for a bloodbath. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? In reality, we are the fucked up ones in the head and not the crazy dare devil.

The Video reminds me of the Wiley Coyote Cartoon with an ACME Rocket.

I laughed my ass off watching this clip and so will you (unless you are the guy in the video or his friend). The only thing missing was the Road Runner going BEEP BEEP.

Squirting Milk out my Nose.

2008-01-18T14:47:00.000-05:00

When they start counting it reminded me of COOL RUNNINGS!

This was beyond FUNNY. We watched it at work at least 10 times... I don't recall trying this trick as a kid. Nonetheless, I did bust my ass numerous times trying to do the KID & PLAY Move. What type of FUCKED UP INDIVIDUAL would make fun of these young ladies? Me, Myself and I!

Movies Men Are Allowed to Cry Through: Brian's Song

2008-01-18T12:37:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid, I remember watching Brian’s Song and quite understanding the overall importance and the underlying message in the film. About five years ago, I was flipping through the channels when I caught the movie at just the right time. After the initial shock of watching an early-70’s made for TV movie staring Billy Dee Williams and James Caan, I settled in and watched one of the greatest movies ever made.

At just over 70 minutes long, the movie is little longer in length than your average television drama episode; but the short run time doesn’t allow for a dull moment. Rather, you see the camaraderie of Gayle Sayers and Brian Piccolo almost immediately. They’re a backfield tandem, they’re roommates, and they were mixed-raced best friends, which wasn’t often seen in the mid-60s.

Then ‘Pic’ started getting sick. As 'Pic' gets more sick, his friendship with 'Black Magic' only grows stronger. The strength of Brian Piccolo, along with the friendship he shared with Gayle Sayers are the driving forces of this movie. As Brian Piccolo is nearing death, Gayle Sayers goes to accept the George S. Halas aware for courage and delivers one of the most tear-inducing scenes in movie history.

I'd like to tell you about a guy I know, a friend of mine. His name is Brian Piccolo. And he has the heart of a giant, and that rare form of courage that allows him to kid himself and his opponent, cancer. He has a mental attitude that makes me proud to have a friend who spells out the word 'courage,' 24 hours a day, every day of his life. Now you honor me by giving me this award. But I say to you here now Brian Piccolo is the man who deserves the George S. Halas award. It is mine tonight... and Brian Piccolo's tomorrow.

I love Brian Piccolo and I'd like all of you to love him, too. And so tonight, when you hit your knees, please ask God to love him.

It doesn’t get any better than that. If you can get through this movie without crying, then you’re a soulless beast. I love Brian's Song and I’d like all of you to love it, too.

Backcourt Violations

2008-01-18T10:44:00.000-05:00

Everyday (at least I hope I will get around to it everyday) I'm going to a do a brief synopsis of last nights NBA lineup. Might be one line, might be more depending on how I feel, or how much of the game I saw.

Cleveland 90 - San Antonio 88

Only a few months late, but its something..i think. One thing stood out, besides how lethargic the Spurs looked til the 4th, Larry Hughes had some fast break points but from what I can remember he took a lay up on both. The athletic phenom that entered the league 10 years ago and is still only 29, now attacks the basket with the same tenacity as Eric Snow.

Utah 109 - Denver 120

You let Linas Kleiza beat you?? Really?! No way Mark Eaton would have stood for that.

Phoenix 106 - L.A. Lakers 98

Watched the first half. I remember 2 years ago when the Suns reminded me how much I loved basketball. They show flashes of that style now and then, but they have easily been eclipsed by the GSWs as my favorite non DC based team.

Random Celebrity Endorsement of the Week

2008-01-18T10:38:00.000-05:00

"A.M.C.O.T is out-muscling and out-hustling the competition and definitely beginning to percolate!" - Walt 'Clyde' Frazier, NBA Great

Congress looking into new Miguel Tejada testimony

2008-01-17T22:50:00.000-05:00

Congress is looking into new testimony from Miguel Tejada that he never played Major League Baseball, rather he has spent the last 13 years as a corn farmer in Missouri. Federal Officials state there is an ongoing investigation.

A Day in the Life: Christian Laettner Edition

2008-01-17T18:08:00.000-05:00

10:23am - iHome alarm goes off to the tune of Relax by Frankie Goes to Hollywood

10:28am - After listening to entire song Christian gets out of bed slips on his Duke slippers and heads to the kitchen for breakfast.

10:50am - Sits at the kitchen table by himself indulging in his freshly prepared Blueberry pancakes....or as he likes to call them 'Duke BlueDevilBerry Pancakes' (usually followed by a hearty chuckle)

11:30am - Sits in tub for his daily bath...."Rubber ducky your the one..you throw inbounds passes perfectly to me so i can make NCAA tournament games lots of fun"

12:30pm - Calls Grant Hill's cell phone and leaves a message.... "Hey Grant it's me, Christian, Christian Laettner. Hope all is well with you. Just want to let you know that I just went to Sports Authority yesterday and bought one of them adjustable basketball hoops for my backyard, ya know the ones that go from 7 feet to 10 feet. If your up to it and you want to swing by today and practice throwing some inbounds passes to me please feel free, I'll be home all day. Just come right in if you come i'll leave the door open for you....I mean the door is always open for my buddy Grant. Tell your wife Tamia I said hello...::hums 'stranger in my house'::....."

3:45pm - "....'Pop quiz tell me where we first kissed, tell me where my spot is, tell me if I liked it, loved it'....Thats a great song Grant, she's a talented girl. I Doubt she can throw an inbounds passlike you but ::giggles:: I mean few people can....ok so I guess I rambled on enough. So maybe i'll see you later, I got two Duke mini basketball's waiting if you come....peace out"

3:46pm-7:16pm - Sits by window waiting for Grant Hill to come over. "I guess he's not coming, let me see if anything good is on TV"...

7:17pm - 11:07pm - Watches the shot from 1992 against Kentucky on a repetative loop while numbing his pain with Peach Schnapps.

11:10pm - Kisses his framed Dream Team photo goodnight and sets it on his night stand...."Goodnight Chuck, goodnight MJ, goodnight Admiral, goodnight Glide, goodnight Mailman, goodnight Patrick, goodni...." :::falls fast to sleep awaiting another glorious day.......

Part 2 of an 8 part series: Inanimate objects I would like to have sex with

2008-01-17T17:36:00.000-05:00

For years and years I have heard about the wonders of High Definition Television. I scoffed at everyone, as I saw no difference between my regular TV and HDTV. On Tuesday, I procured my HDTV and I have entered a fantastic world of colors, sounds and sports.

Hockey and Basketball, the two I’ve seen so far, are fantastic. I can only imagine how badass the two football games will be on Sunday. My Xbox looks absolutely surreal. I’m getting a hard-on just thinking about it. Wait a second… porn in HD?! There is a God… Thank you, Tom Jones.

Regular channels in comparison to HD programming are like night and day. I finally understand what the fuss was all about. I look at this TV in awe.

The truth is, it’s just a TV, but it makes me feel like more of a man… like pretending I know how to operate power tools or what an 8-cylinder engine does. Actually, I don’t know much man shit at all… What the hell is torque? I’m know more about Bjork than I know about torque.

None-the-less, women don’t want men who know about cars… they don’t want cool hair, big muscles, big… other stuff… they want men with an HDTV. They don’t care if they drive a ’93 Pontiac… they don’t care that he lives with his parents or that he works retail…

All that matters? If he owns an HDTV… it’s on

2008 Mock NFL Draft- Round 1

2008-01-17T16:29:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: All Player Profiles link directly to the draft coverage at www.scout.com; they have done some excellent work there! Thanks guys!

1. Miami Dolphins - Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
Parcells will make all the calls for the first draft. Dorsey at 6-1 310, is the top rated defense player in the draft. However, he is similar to Dwayne Robertson (physically) coming out of college. He penetrates well in the 2 technique in the 4-3. Not sure if he is built for the 3-4 nose tackle technique. He needs to improve his strength and avoid nagging injuries. Can he handle double teams and use his hands to disengage blockers in the NFL will be the major question. He has a great motor and leadership skills.
However, do not be surprised if Bill trades down a couple spots to pick up additional picks later in the draft. He could easily drop 5 spots and still pick up an essential piece to the rebuilding process.

2. St. Louis Rams - Jake Long, OT, Michigan
St. Louis has many areas where they need to improve. Defense was porous and the offensive line couldn’t stop a elderly woman. Chris Long at DE is a good pick but he is not a true end in the 4-3. St. Louis needs to solidify the offensive line and become the greatest show on Turf again. Protecting Steven Jackson and Marc Bulger should be the key for the Rams success next year. If Pace can come back healthy next year, in addition to Long, ST. Louis should improve in the NFC West.
Long is better than Gallery coming out of college and has more of the physical tools to be a dominating force on the line. If Pace can come back healthy, they can move Long to RT, plus move Alex Baron (RT, 1st Rd Florida St.) to Guard. This would give St. Louis a versatile line, which could protect Bulger.

3. Oakland Raiders - Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas °
Note: as per the NFL, the Raiders will end up with either the #3 or #4 overall pick in the draft.
McFadden is a rare talent who has incredible potential as a pro. Lamont Jordan obviously in not the answer in Oakland and has already said he wants out and Derrick Rhodes played very well coming back from his suspension. Oakland has many holes but, can you pass on a Franchise back, even in this is very deep running back draft, when history has shown that you can find a capable back later in the draft. If I were Oakland I would try to trade back a couple spots and pick up more pieces to rebuild around. Warren Sapp retirement will hurt more than people think. He was an important piece of the Defense.

4. Atlanta Falcons - Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
Note: Atlanta could pick as high as #3 or as low as #5.
The Falcons will take a QB in the first round to firmly put the Vick saga behind them, once the coaching situation is solidified that is. If they choose Ryan in the first round, I would make a trade for Pennington or another Veteran who could captain the ship until Ryan is ready to take the reins. It has been proven that grooming your QB is better than throwing him directly into the fire.

5. Kansas City Chiefs - Ryan Clady, OT, Boise State °
Note: the Chiefs will pick at either #4 or #5.
The Chiefs offensive line has lost a lot of stars in the last three years due to retirement. It is time for the team to rebuild the line to protect Larry Johnson and give a young quarterback time in the pocket. Clady is a reach this high in the draft, but you cannot pass on offensive linemen who can potentially upgrade your offense, quickly. Clady has good footwork but needs a little more polishing. He could learn a lot from the veterans but he should be battle tested quickly. He will struggle in pass protection but should be able to lead the way in the running game. Can he handle the speed of the NFL will be key to his success. He also needs to work on his core strength to help his balance.

6. New York Jets - Chris Long, DE, Virginia
The Jets will continue with a 3-4 base defense, utilizing hybrid packages for situational defense. Therefore the Jets need a versatile player. *NOW PAGING CHRIS LONG*. Virginia is one of the very few college programs that employ the 3-4 defenses. Former Jets coach Al Grogh's system will allow Long to contribute immediately. The Jets 3-4 DEs played well (Shaun Ellis / Kenyon Coleman) however, the Jets did not pressure the quarterback as often as they would have liked. They could use Long and Coleman as the base DEs and use Ellis as the Rush end. Ellis was very successful this year when used in the Rush position. Sadly, Bryan Thomas did not continue to build on his successful 2006 season so an upgrade in the rush position is needed. This will increase the Teams DL depth and allow players to stay fresh and use multiple packages. Honestly, the Jets need a true 3-4 Nose tackle. Dorsey would be a perfect fit but there is no way he will drop to the 6th spot and I do not see the jets moving up to the number# 1 spot. Long is a leader and high character player the Jets seek. With this pick and the emergence of David Harris and Darrelle Revis, the Jets Defense should be a lot better next year.

7. New England Patriots (from 49ers) - Dan Connor, LB, Penn State
He is a tough middle linebacker who is the epitome of the Penn State Linebacker mold. He is a smart player and hard hitter. The Patriots aging linebacker corps will look different next year. Seau will most likely retire, especially if they win a ring this year. It’s unfair that the potential Super Bowl Champions will have a top 10 pick in the draft. Fans in San Francisco must be ready to jump off a pier by now. They could have used this pick on a Franchise QB or Defensive help. The Pats will most likely trade down in the draft to obtain more picks to replace aging players. They will most likely not stay in the 7 spot due to the salary cap hit. They have few needs for immediate help, so why pay a rookie $16 million in guarantees.

8. Baltimore Ravens - Brian Brohm, QB, Louisville
Even though I disagree with the drafting a quarterback with a high pick I can not see B’more going in any other direction. They have no option unless you think that Troy Smith will be a true NFL QB. Brohm is polished and could use a year of seasoning before being thrown into the fire. Baltimore could also stand to upgrade at WR. It is also time to find Ray Lewis’ Replacement. The Ravens will have to be creative with Brohm’s contracts or they will be in Cap Space trouble in 2009. 2008 will most likely be Ray Lewis last year in Baltimore. GM Ozzie Newsome probably has a LB that he is scouting from a D-1AA school no one has ever heard of and will be their starting MLB in 2009.

9. Cincinnati Bengals - Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
Marvin Lewis needs to look in the mirror and figure out where did his Defense knowledge go after he left Washington and Baltimore. Let the offense coordinator take hold of the offense and focus purely on Defense and Team Chemistry. With TJ Whosyourmama a legit #1 receiver and IF Chris Henry can stay off the show Cops, he is a legit # 2 receiver. It might be time to trade Chad Johnson for a High Character Defense player who can be a leader on the team. Maybe offer there number #1 Draft pick or Chad Johnson to the jets for Vilma? Lewis announced on ESPN, Chad Johnson will not be traded.

10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, USF
Has anyone seen Jason David play this year for NO? If not you are lucky He has been burned by more receivers than Paris Hilton has burned men. Mike Jenkins is a big time player who will be a force in the league. Antoine Cason from Arizona could also go in this pick, or even Aqib Talib from Kansas. Drafting a running back in this draft also makes sense for the Saints. It is becoming evident that Reggie Bush will only be a glorified 3rd down back. They should use Bush much how the Jets use Leon Washington and draft a running back in the later rounds who can be an everydown back. (Ray Rice or Jonathon Stewart).

11. Buffalo Bills – Frank Okam, DT, Texas
The Buffalo Bills played well above expectations in 2007 due mainly to better than expected contributions at QB, RB, and from their young defense. To prevent a dip in productivity next season, Buffalo needs to continue to compliment their defense. By shoring up the D-line they will be able to compete with the better teams in the AFC. He is a bull rusher who uses leverage to collapse the pocket. He needs to develop more inside moves and continue to work hard in the gym. Stamina has always been an issue for Okam.

12. Denver Broncos - Kenny Phillips, FS, Miami °
It is time to find Jon Lynch’s replacement at Safety. Phillips will be a playmaker right away. He has great range and is not afraid to lay the lumber. He does not have Lynch’s awareness, however, he will make up for his gaffes with his physical ability and closing speed. Champ Bailey should take him under his wing and show him how to be a ball hawking safety. Another choice in this spot could be his University of Miami teammate Calais Campbell, Denver needs a Rush end who can also play the run.

13. Carolina Panthers - Vernon Gholston, DE, Ohio State °
What happened to the their Defense? The D-line has regressed in the last two years. Its time to bring new blood into the equation, they need to stop the run better. They could also go middle line backer in this situation. Dan Morgan will never be the player he could have been. Gholston stock will drop or rise quickly depending on his combine numbers. He needs to work on his footwork and shedding blocks.

14. Chicago Bears - Andre Woodson, QB, Kentucky
Quarterback is a major need, but can Andrew Woodson deliver accurate bullets through the Chicago wind? Their top receiver, Bernard Berrian, may be leaving via free agency, so there will be a need for a speedy wide receiver later in the draft. There will be solid round 2 and 3 WR in this draft. Some people question Woodson’s decision skills but I think he is a good leader and understands how to read defenses. He plays in the SEC where the CBs are fast and physical. He has a good arm but he needs to work on his release point and timing. Chicago also needs a running back. It is more than clear that Cedric Benson is not the answer at running back.

15. Detroit Lions - Antoine Cason, CB, Arizona
The Lions weakness was in their defensive backfield. They lacked any playmakers to oppose the QBs in the NFC. Antoine Cason has seen his stock fall slightly since last year, but I think he is the most complete corner in the draft. He saw a lot of action playing in the Pac-10. I am curious to see how he will do playing run defense in the running dominated NFC North. Detroit has a solid front 4 who can get pressure on the QB, so Cason should have plenty opportunities of making play in the secondary. He opens his hips quickly and plays good press coverage.

16. Arizona Cardinals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
Rivers is in the usual USC linebacker mold, tough, quick to the ball, good instincts and is prepared for reading complex offenses because of USC pro-style program. Has problems shedding big guards but he is always in the right place at the right time. He is a great tackler and will make a difference on the Cardinals defense. He needs to work on his first step when reading plays but he should be a solid linebacker in the league.

17. Minnesota Vikings – Aquib Talib, CB, Kansas
Aquib, 6-2 202 big time CB would be perfect fit for the Vikings Defense. The Vikings were stout against the run but gave up big plays in the secondary. Aquib will give them a physical corner that will be able to slow down the Green Bay or Detroit’s big time receivers. He has quick hips and has great range on the ball. He went against some big time receivers in the BIG 12 who will be playing on Sundays next year.

18. Houston Texans - Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois (declared for the draft) °
Big time playmaker who makes quick decisions and burst through the hole. He has great hands and deceptive speed. He knows how to find a crease and make people miss. He is my pick for Rookie of the year. He will fit in perfectly with the Texans-by-way-of-Denver running scheme. He is versatile and in my opinion the number 2 running back in the draft. He runs well between the tackle and has the speed to stretch the field on zone blocking plays.

19. Philadelphia Eagles - Calais Campbell, DE, Miami °
One rule about the Eagles… 9 times out of 10 in they will select a big, physical lineman in the first round. In this situation they will pick Campbell, a slightly underperforming, physical specimen out of “Da U”. With the right coaching Campbell is perfect for the Eagles and Jim Johnson’s complicated defensive schemes. He will replace “the Freak” Javon Kearse who will must likely be released by the Eagles due to his high cap figure and low production. At 6’8”, he will limit the passing window when rushing the QB. With his wingspan he will help limit passes in the short zone to his side of the field. He will need to develop leg strength to make headway against the league’s bigger tackles. (Possible defensive rookie of the year).

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Kentwan Balmer, DT, North Carolina
Balmer might seem like a reach at this point, but he will do well in the combine and shoot up draft boards. DTs are always a premium and this year the pool is especially shallow. He has a good base and knows how to use leverage. Questionable work ethic but he has a good motor when he turns it on. He needs to work on his stamina and use his hands better in the trenches. He will do well in the 4-3 Cover 2 defense. He would be a good addition to Gaines Adams who made considerable strides late in the season. Derrick Brooks only has a year or two left in the tank, so he would benefit greatly from having a big DT occupy the interior offensive linemen in front of him. He will not be the next Warren Sapp, but he should be a solid DT with good coaching.

21. Washington Redskins - Derrick Harvey, DE, Florida °
Washington needs to develop a serious pass rush in 2008. They barely touched quarterbacks this year. They need someone who can rush off the end and make plays on the quarterback. Harvey can dominate the line of scrimmage or disappear for long stretches. He needs to develop more power moves and learn how to use his hands to disengage from blocks. He often uses a pure speed rush to get the QB, but that will not cut it in the NFL. He needs to work on a spin move and duck penetration move similar to Dwight Freeney’s repertoire. Washington is in serious cap trouble in 2008, so do not be surprised to see them deal this pick to relieve some financial stress.

22. Dallas Cowboys (from Cleveland) – Terrel Thomas, CB, USC
One could argue the Cowboys could use another receiver / returner such as DeSean Jackson from Cal, but the true Achilles heel for the Dallas has been their secondary. They need another CB who can help protect against the long ball. Roy Williams is a liability in the secondary so they need corners that can play on the island.

23. Pittsburgh Steelers - Sam Baker, OT, USC
Baker is a versatile talent who could fill a number of offensive line spots. The Steelers might have to replace two starting offensive linemen. The Steelers had a good year but they gave up too much pressure on Ben Rothlisberger. Sam Baker played in a pro-style offense at USC and should be prepared to play right away. I hope he has his lunch pail and is ready to work hard in the trenches. His Left knee should be at 100%, by the combine.

24. Tennessee Titans - Limas Sweed, WR, Texas
Sweed is a reach at this spot in the draft, but it is no secret that Young lost confidence in his receivers this season. Adding Sweed can help Young’s development by adding a receiver who Young has chemistry, confidence, and experience playing with (Texas). When Young is improvising, Sweed can use his size to provide him with a big target. He needs to work on his route running and conditioning, and he will have trouble against bigger, more physical corners. He also needs to learn how to use his body to shield away defenders to help be in the best position to make catches. The Titans like to run the ball so it is important Sweed improves his blocking technique.

25. Seattle Seahawks - Early Doucet, WR, LSU
I was not impressed with Doucet, but LSU receivers have done well in the league of late, a la Bowe (Kansas City). Sources say Doucet has better hands and can make more catches in traffic, than Bowe. He should do well in Seattle. Also look for the Seahawks to make a move with Shaun Alexander and look to draft Jonathon Stewart (Oregon), Ray Rice (Rutgers), or Mendenhall if he slides this deep.

26. New York Giants – Ali HighSmith , OLB , LSU
The Giants two glaring weaknesses are at linebacker and defensive tackle. Giants linebackers lack physical, playmaker ability, and with their depth at DE, the Giants could use some athletic presence to help against the run, and in the flats. With good young playmakers emerging in the secondary, and a shallow pool of defensive tackles in this draft, Jerry Reese would probably be best suited with a guy like Ali Highsmith. While Highsmith is a bit undersized, he is an athlete, and, if nothing else, would add considerable depth and be an immediate impact guy in their already excellent special teams unit.

27. Jacksonville Jaguars - Reggie Smith, CB, Oklahoma *
Playing in the AFC South it is necessary that the Jags continue to build their secondary. They need physical CBs to play against big time receivers like Andre Johnson and Reggie Wayne. Jacksonville has a stout front 7 so adding a corner back makes a lot of sense. Also look for a sleeper pick such as Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie from Tennessee St.

28. San Diego Chargers – Erin Henderson, OLB, Maryland
The Chargers do not have picks in the 2nd, 3rd & 4th rounds, so it is crucial that they get the most possible value out of this 1st round selection. They could use help solidifying their linebacker corps, and Erin Henderson out of Maryland could fit their system well. They could also use a playmaking safety or receiver, although Vincent Jackson’s development at WR this post season makes that a lesser need. Henderson will add depth to the team and improve their special teams. He is a smart linebacker who knows how to play in space. He struggles in coverage but has good instincts. He has a knack for making big plays when needed.

29. Dallas Cowboys – Mario Manningham, WR, Michigan
Terry Glenn will be gone next year and Patrick Crayton is in Jerry Jones dog house for his big mouth and low production against the Giants. I believe Adrian Arrington, his teammate at Michigan, will be the better NFL receiver however, Manningham runs crisp routes, displays great hands, and knows how to create separation against high level defenders (Ohio St, Wisconsin, Oregon, Penn St., and Florida). He will be a great option in the slot for Dallas. I could also see them trying to add a safety to compliment Roy Williams.

30. San Francisco 49ers (from Indianapolis) - Malcolm Kelly, WR, Oklahoma °
It is no question Norv Turner leaving killed the offense. I wouldn’t let Jim Hostler be the offense coordinator for my madden team. The receiving corps needs a major upgrade and Vernon Davis needs to step up now (late season production aside). With Mike Martz coming onboard as the new offensive coordinator, the 49ers will target a receiver. I could also see DeSean Jackson from Cal falling to this spot and playing the slot receiver in the new Mike Martz offense (Shaun McDonald anyone)? The 49ers lack a homerun threat on offense, and he could provide a spark at both slot receiver and kick returner. The Niners could also use a DT or a Playmaker safety.

31. Green Bay Packers – Pat Sims, DT, Auburn
With Brett Farve not looking like he will retire, and Ryan Grant plugging their immediate need at RB, the Packers would be best served by adding to their defensive front. GB has good ends and linebackers, and an excellent defensive backfield, so adding a stout DT will allow AJ Hawk and the DE’s more space to make plays, especially in the running game. Pat Sims will occupy the OG/C allowing the linebackers to scrape freely off the line of scrimmage. Sims could gain a little muscle weight and needs to work on his stamina, but he has a solid motor.

32. New England Patriots - FORFEITED
CHEATERS!

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man-iac

2008-01-17T11:19:00.000-05:00

Though it be a bit late, I'd like to provide a background to this Motley crew of contributors that I hope to have titillate, excite, amuse, sadden, and inform you from now until the rapture cometh.

Mr. IMHO

Born in the African Savanah, Mr. IMHO first traveled to America on a ship full of hostile, but small European immigrants.

Upon arriving in the states, he immediately took up residence in the sewers of New York City, where he came into contact with four small turtles and a green vial of liquid that transformed him into the stunning beauty that you see here.

Having decided to cease fighting against his irreversible sexy curse, Mr. IMHO gathered a small group of miscreants whose genius is only outweighed by the sheer immensity of their reproductive organs, yes even the ladies.

Not fashioned as a leader in any respect, Mr. IMHO (In My Humble Opinion) has decided to dedicate his life to the dissemination of crucial, and not so crucial information.

Below we have footage of the birth of Mr. IMHO

Vegannramember

Having long ago decided to either destroy the corrupt world around her, or die trying, this vegetable murdering, gun toting, beauty shoots from the hip and never misses.

Her decision to eat only that which has never had blood pumped through its veins stems from witnessing as a child the horrible mutilation of her family at the hands of a rogue gang of broccolis.

Vegannramember's mother, moments
after her senseless murder.
When will we learn?

After gaining revenge, the young militant finally settled in the streets of New York City. Being a poor law student forced her to relocate to the sewers where she became an acquaintance of Mr. IMHO. The rest is history.

d$

Having emerged from the d$Manor after a twelve year hiatus, d$ was shocked at the state of the world around him. Determined to bleed this land for all it was worth, d$ has set out on a highlander journey of adventure and excitement, leaving his high profile, socialite existence behind him.

d$ has transcended the needs and wants of a normal person, becoming more powerful than one could ever imagine, relinquishing the use of his body to become a being of pure energy.

d$ answers to a higher power. Higher than your boss, higher than your wife, higher than your daddy. His lord and savior, Tom Jones, often requires a sacrifice. Do not be surprised to see d$ chewing on young, pink, and bald flesh of #& year old hooch. His Lord & Savior demands it.

The Hitman

Born into the world as Chris Childs in the late 1960's this college basketball phenom attended Boise St University, Mordor campus, where he majored in heavy machinery and played basketball. After only six years of playing basketball, he left Mordor and entered the NBA draft.

After 11 years of inactivity, mostly spent under-dressed in a luxury suite. He was subbed into a game against the LA Lakers. Full of electricity and energy, Childs ran directly to young phenom Kobe Bryant and double tapped him on the chin. Kobe has been known to still rub the spot gingerly.

After being tortured for some time by David Stern, Childs vanished into the Bolivian rainforest, along with the antagonist from James Bond: American Negro.

The pristine Bolivian rainforest.

Several years after his disappearance, he re-emerged from the wilderness, a dangerous and changed man. The Hitman was born.

Shady Paz

Look at that bling. Look at that hair. God this man makes my nipples hard...and I'm not even a homo. I once saw Shady Paz take candy from a baby. When the baby began to sob, Paz struck the baby across the face with the back of his hand. He was wearing the same ring that Daryl Strawberry used on his ex-wife.

The baby cried louder, until Shady raised an eyebrow. Then the baby stopped crying. The baby apologized for crying. The baby gave Shady his mother's phone number....

His mother was eternally grateful.

Here we have some footage of Shady Paz during his vacation to Russia

???????

This is his house, acquired with a first time home owner's loan. He lives inside. He enjoys his time inside. He keeps it clean. I am envious.

This sport's reporter has a knack for getting the inside scoop on things....more on this later.

2008-01-17T10:25:00.000-05:00

While watching that George Clooney-narrated documentary about Darfur, it occurred to me that problems are in the eye of the beholder.

I'm 23, battling a chronic illness, working a shitty job that requires most of a law degree but pays worse than a janitorial position (no joke...I know this because I play on the janitor's intramural basketball team)...I'm about to graduate law school and completely unsure where to live and work...I'm heartbroken...blah, blah, blah.

The people of Darfur have been bombed, hacked-up, raped, starved, and ignored by the hundreds of thousands for decades. I mean...dismembered and/or charred bodies all over the place. The international community doesn't give a fuck, and there's no real end in sight for them.

But does that make me feel fortunate? Nope. My problems still seem crushing.

And to a disgustingly wealthy close friend of mine, his problems (most recently, he thought the housekeeper at the Ritz-Carlton in New Orleans, where he flew to drop thousands of dollars on a ticket to this year's boring BCS championship game, went through his luggage and stole a sweater) are just as bad as mine and those of those poor bastards in Darfur.

Just saying.

P.S. If you want to waste Mitt Romney's campaign cash AND harass your friends and family simultaneously, you can arrange to have Mitt Romney's recorded voice call them to solicit donations and speak out against such things as "radical jihad". Rrrrrright here.

Attention anyone with a womb: Tom Brady wants to impregnate you!

2008-01-16T21:47:00.001-05:00

3 Superbowl Victories, 50 TD passes, 1 wonderfully cleft chin....

These are all very important numbers in the life of a one Mr. Tom Brady.....but none of these numbers can compare to his ultimate goal.......

"Yea, I would love to give Travis Henry and Shawn Kemp a run for their money. Hell, I'd love to completely blow them out of the water. Imagine this cleft chin on at least 3 babies in each state. Except maybe Alabama of course, a guy has got to draw the line somewhere."

We approached Shawn Kemp outside a local TGI Fridays and told him about Brady's goals, he had this to say to Tom......

"I tell ya what, the Reign Man's got alot of respect for Mr. Tom Bradley's quest to sperm the nation from coast to coast. I'm proud to be a trailblazer of womb fertilizing. I've sprayed this great nation with my libido and I gladly pass the torch to Tom and wish him the best of luck. What time is it? what? 2:50? Oh Lordy...Sorry to cut this short guys but I need to get to the bank before they close. Need to make sure I have enough in my checking account for the 13 child support checks....."

We were also lucky enough to run into Travis Henry at Stop & Shop stocking up on 42 bags of chewy chips ahoy. We asked him how he felt about Tom's quest.

Reenactment of a Henry family gathering

"16-0, a perfect season huh Tom? Well how about 9 kids with 9 different women?...booyah!"

In the end Tom Brady may fall short of his ultimate goal of impregnating the entire Eastern Seaboard, but you can't blame the man for trying.

"I've been awesome at everything else I've tried....bass fishing....scuba diving...hoola hooping..world's strongest man competitions (See you next year Magnus Ver Magnusson....bitch).....I even won 3 straight seasons of Big Brother on CBS. If anyone can achieve their goals it's me, and I won't stop until my seed is in 76% of this country. That you can guaran-damn-tee. Attention everyone, if you have a womb I will impregnate it! Now if you'll excuse me I have to go do my Kegal exercises...."

Why I Love OJ Simpson

2008-01-16T21:05:00.000-05:00

You remember that scene right?

OJ in the white bronco. Al Cowlings at the wheel. Police officers slowly following him on the highway. I know you remember. OJ basically leading the officers back to his house and asking to get a glass of Orange Juice before he was taken to the station. (Common Sense: Obviously The Hitman doesn't condone needless murder)

Why do I love OJ Simpson, besides the fact that he played Nordberg excellently in the Naked Gun series...but with that slow speed chase he made one of my numerous birthday parties memorable. I was born on June 20th, but for some reason that year we had a sleepover party after one of my little league baseball games, on June 17th 1994. Picture the scene: Bunch of kids in the kitchen devouring pizza. My dad flips on the Knicks game (ha the knicks were semi relevant then) and minutes later it's pre empted for the wonderful slow speed chase. The kids were transfixed around the TV all night, even while most of them had zero idea who OJ Simpson was. That's why I love OJ, he made a non descript preteen birthday memorable. I still have people bringing that up years later.

Who cares that hes going to go to jail on a make up charge for murder.

He gave me a memorable birthday dammit!

Part 1 of an 8 part series: Inanimate objects I would like to have sex with

2008-01-16T20:28:00.000-05:00

Dear Sasha,

You are so much more than just a George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine to me; you are a part of me. Let’s not play games, baby… I have to get right to the point.

The fact that I made burgers frozen in the cold of winter in you tonight is a dream I never dared dream; you made heaven a reality… with beef. But that’s not all your capable, sweetheart.

You crisp bacon to perfect. You grill hot dogs like a wave of orgasmic pleasure. Chicken breasts are the only set of lovely ta-tas I need with you in my life… topped with barbeque sauce and the joint love between man and machine.

What more are you capable of? Is it selfish of me to even ask? You’ve given me so much already. Dare I try to grill a cheese sandwich between your warm, ridged thighs? I wonder if I can make a smore on your slanty bottom…

…All I know, Sasha, is that you give to me so much more than any woman could ever provide me… you give me food without words. Should every man be so lucky.

Always,
d$

The Rice Family: A Tale of Lust, Love, Lies, and Retribution

2008-01-15T18:37:00.000-05:00

The Rice Family

A tale of lust, love, and retribution

Christina Rice: Oh shit the door! Get off-a-me and get in the closet!
Alberto Perez: Que? En el armario? Cual es?
Christina Rice: Just get in there you greasy prick!

Glen Rice: ::Shouting from downstairs:: Ey trick, daddy's hoo-ome! Whatya fine ass got fer me?
::Heavy thuds as the overweight former all-star climbs the stairs slowly::

Christina Rice: Oh hey baby, I was just layin here, you know, thinkin about you! You look so strong today baby!

Glen Rice: ::Breathing Heavily:: Yeah baby! I was pumping it up a bit earlier at the gym. But now I'm ::sniffs the air suspiciously::

Glen Rice: 'Ey bitch you smell dat? I know that smell!
Christina Rice: Gulp, I don't smell anything honey, maybe you just hungry?
Glen Rice: Naw I know that smell. Sheeeit, I was smellin that in da Hol-i-day Inn laaast night. I smell.... P'DUSSY!

::Glen Storms throughout the bed room, tearing open shades, glaring at his wife::

Glen Rice: Bitch! Why it smell like p'dussy in here when big daddy been at tha swap meet all day!? Is you trickin on me?
Christina Rice: Wait whatchu mean at the effing Holiday Inn...when was your ass at the Holiday Inn?
Glenn Rice: ::Suddenly realizing his mistake, Glen relaxes a bit:: Girl don't be talkin no bullshit now woman! That ain't even the point
Alberto Perez: ::Muffled, from the closet:: Si, esta verdad!
Christina Rice: Ain't the point!? Ain't the point!? Get out of MY House! Go and trick wit all your lil skeezers fake as nukka!
Alberto Perez: ::Muffled, from the closet:: Hay Dios Mio!!!
Glen Rice: Bitch, you'd best be puttin' that vase down! That shit wasn't cheap now ya hear!

::Moving with surprising fluidity for a big man, Glen manages to duck out of the way of the flying ceramic::

Glen Rice: Now you done did it, I'm a call tha police!
Alberto Perez: ::Muffled, from the closet:: Hay Dios mio! La policia!

::Suddenly, Glen seems to realize that the couple are not alone in the room::

Glen Rice: Ey woman! Who tha f*ck is in this here closet?
Christina Rice: ::Covers her mouth in fear:: No Glen don't!
::Glen Rice yanks the closet door open::
Alberto Perez: ::Still in the closet but no longer muffled:: Hay dios mio...
Get the real story here

Congratulations Jessica Simpson

2008-01-13T19:50:00.001-05:00

Sorry, but that is what you get for mixing celebretainment into my football. Jesus tore down the temple for merging with commerce, I have yet to decide upon the punishment for watering down my religion with filth.

Congratulations to Eli Manning. This might be the worst thing that could have ever happened to the New York Giants, now Tom Coughlin will definitely get a multi-year contract extension, and he is the definition of a mediocre head coach whose team succeeded in a ....www..wwait Eli's talking! Tiki are you watching, HEY TIKI!!! Man, someone should fire an English teacher or two down in New Orleans, hell chances are they already drowned ::blink blink::too soon?

TV Viewing Bulletin:

1: I still can't find any reliable torrents of The Wire, so I'm still waiting until after midnight to see episode 3.

2: Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles premiers in roughly 2 minutes, it looks interesting, more on that later.
801pm: The police do not roughhouse white women like that.
803pm: Where did he get those uzis? He whipped 'em out like a video game! I mean seriously, one second he unloaded a shotgun into the front of the cruiser, then the next shot he was holding two uzis. He pulled off that switch faster than the guy in the Pizza Hut ad changes clothing
805: OZ character alert! Dean Winters - Ryan O'Reilly
808: "Half an hour, one bag, plus the guns, I'll make pancakes" Damn this show might just make it!
816: Serenity rocked! (Summer Glau as the fem-inator)
820: Yes I wish I had a Terminator for a teacher! And he's got a sense of humor! ("Class dismissed, LOL)...this is why you've gotta love FOX, they fear no Columbine reprisal and they've got an anti-Italian Family Guy up next! I would pay to develop a show where people got the chance to punch John Cougar Mellancamp in the face, and I fully expect it to air on FOX.
829: First phone call from "The Mayor" to talk about the show. Nobody knows I'm keeping a running diary of this show yet, thanks Bill Simmons!
836: Mrs. Connor is spunky as fuck...I don't get it. just cooperate with the Terminator bitch, right? It also turns out that she was Leonidas' wife in 300...now it all makes sense.
840: I am impressed with 1: the lack of forced comic relief 2: the minimalist approach to dialogue
842: She just drove up to the home of the man she allegedly killed? No issues, no problems? No friggin alarms? Eh, suspend the disbelief man!
844: Terminator's are historically suceptible to being hit by cars...I must remember this for when I fight the future.
849: "A needle and thread will slow the blood loss, do it now." Is this bitch Jack Bauer's dream woman or what!?
858: Drunk tough white boys...when will you learn?
900: Good first episode - I think all three characters are well cast. It's on the right channel for a good mix of sex and action. And with the writer's strike in full blast, there will be minimal distraction.

Meanderings:

I have been watching television since roughly 1245 pm, uninterrupted. My head hurts, and my eyes are a little bloody-ish, but I've gotta be up on my media ya know. Plus, it was playoff football.

I think that the new Busch boy (Budweiser) reminds me a bit of Jim Dolan.
I want to see 10,000 BC

So let me get this straight, Hil is upset because Obeezy's camp mentioned that Bubba gave credit for the successful resolution of the Civil Rights movement to the Civil Rights legislature and NOT to Martin Luther King, Jr.

ahem

This is ooooouuuuur cooooouuuntry!

Meat N PotatoEs

Well, I've been on my back for an entire week with the flu. During this time I instigated a 936 reply email thread about race and identity in America. I squeezed off roughly three and a half shots of protein. I downed oodles and oodles of Nyquil, Tylenol, and TheraFlu (which makes you feel worse). I slept roughly 17 hours per day and finished three video games (the ending theme to Portal is hilarious).

I have 29 voicemails to listen to, 11 work related contacts to touch base with, and potentially 8 inches of snow to deal with. I have also been trying to generate more energy, but that is a work in progress. So apologies if I was missed at all this week, but the flu is no joke.