Super Tuesday

My fellow Americans! Get out there today and do your #1 job as citizens of the greatest country in the world!

Today is the day! Don't act like a hippy, you can make a difference (unless you live in new york, if you do you're vote doesn't matter because this state will go to the democratic nominee).

Let's start with a brief run down of each of the candidates.

Hillary Clinton

This lil' lady is the wife of our nation's first black president, Bill Clinton. She has been working within the system ever since, and is now poised to grasp the leadership reigns on her own.

One of Hil's biggest issues is her desire to get our country to accept universal health care, a policy that would greatly enhance the quality of life for everyone (except the most wealthiest) in the good ole US of A!

But let us not forget that Hillary voted for the war in Iraq!

Barack Obama

He's a cool fellow who is all about eliciting positive change in our country. To his credit, Obeezy voted against the war in Iraq, and has since focused on increasing our energy independence (HUGE) and also on establishing universal health care.

Obama is a smoker, I hope he smokes Newports, cuz they are easily the coolest ciggs. Many have also questioned his experience, as he is young and a relatively newbie in the political field. But I think the experience thing is an overblown load of crap.

He also bears a decent resemblance to my friend Kenny! And that is tre' cool.

John McCain

This dude is a real life fucking Chuck Norris. During the Vietnam War his plane was shot down during his 23rd bombing run. He survived the crash and was captured by the enemy where he endured five and a half years of torture in a prison camp. During his internment, he had a watch that he planned on passing on to his son. To keep it from being confiscated, he hid it...in his ass...wait that might've been Pulp Fiction.

McCain is commonly viewed as one of the more moderate Republican. He is conservative on many traditional Republican issues (health care, abortion) but has been known to be liberal on many others (education, gun control).

Do be aware that McCain is definitely a Hawk (you would be too if the Vietnamese poked you with sticks for 5 years!) and is also a ripe 71 yrs of age (he would be DEAD by the end of an 8yr term). Those are things to keep in mind when voting.

Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney was once the Governor of Massachusetts, a piece of shit state that until recently was a cursed as the princess on Shrek. He built a highway there that from all accounts was a disaster and collapsed like 12 hours after being completed.

Also, Romney is a Mormon, and as we know, Mormon's eat babies and marry thousands of women at a time.

Enough silliness, Mitt Romney has been known to waffle on the issue of abortion. That's not the worst thing in the world though, as he has demonstrated a strong stance on tougher gun control laws and also is determined to increase legal immigration, while identifying and databasing the nation's illegal immigrants.

Plus his handsome face seems to have been chiseled out of solid granite.

In the end, all that is really important is that you execute your right to play a part in the process of selecting our nation's leaders. Leave the cynicism at home, get out there, educate yourself, and align yourself with the person whom you feel best suits your needs and ideals.

So if you can tear yourself away from the Giants' victory parade (pictured above) for a moment. Get out there and vote! And don't let anything (pictured below) stand in your way!

Bill Clinton Killed A part of my Childhood

Bill Clinton Ruined My Childhood

Apparently as a Black Person it is sacrilegious to talk badly about Bill Clinton, “The First Black President”. He isn't labeled the 1st Black president because of his ability to overcome great barriers and strife, growing up in the poor south. Rather, it’s because he played the Saxophone, Smoked Weed and got head from an Ugly White woman. Nonetheless, I am still a BIG fan of Bubba, until I uncovered information suggesting Bill Jefferson Clinton is responsible for killing a part of my childhood.

When BUBBA signed the Telecommunications act of 1998 it dissolved multiple restrictions previously placed on the Media Giants. The act allowed the major networks to show adult oriented programming during the coveted 2pm – 5pm time slot. Instead of innocent cartoons -- shows like the Jerry Springer & Maury were allowed into the time slot. Children today are watching programs such as WHO IS MY BABY’s DADDY, instead of cartoons.

Because of the Telecommunication, Bill Clinton and the TV Execs who lobbied the Telecommunication ACT -- I find them GUILTY of murdering the following TV Shows!!! I will be holding a silent vigil for these shows from 3:00 pm to 5:00 pm…
Please hold up your lighter as I read the victim names.

Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers:
Came on after The Gummy Bears and only lasted a couple years but they were so cute… They were the older version of Alvin and the Chipmunks if you think about it!

Ducktales: What did Louie, Huey and Douie do to deserve such a death? WHAT DID THEY DO? Swim in Uncle Scrooge’s Money Bank one too many times?

TaleSpin: Who didn’t love big Ol’ Ballou? A spin-off off the Jungle Book, I blame Rickie Lake for their death, FAT BITCH!

Darkwing Duck: He Saved countless ducks in his cartoon and do you know how he was rewarded? Was killed flying south through Iowa in 2000 when George Bush was campaigning. Bush was trying to show he was a real Southern and a member of the NRA and shot Darkwing while he was migrating!

Goof Troop: Who didn’t love Goofy? The forgotten man of Disney! All he wanted to do was get away from Mickey Mouse’s’ shadow and coke problem. He landed his own show in 1995. His show was suddenly taken off the air and he disappeared for ever. Some people say Mickey had something to do with it but he was in rehab when the disappearance occurred! The last sighting of Goofy was in Virgina, at the Bad News Kennels.

Anamaniacs : They were suppose to be locked in the VAULT for ever but Spielberg let them out. They were mysteriously trapped in the closet with R. Kelly but there has been no proof, Dot will not testify against Kelly and is currently living on his estate in Chicago.

Gizmoduck: I can’t even say enough about Gizmoduck, he was featured on three other cartoons… Ducktales, Darkwing Duck and Gizmoduck… Poor guy… So what if he was busted for using steroids. After he was canceled and replaced by The Sally Jesse Raphael show he committed suicide. Some say it was the steroids, I say it was due to the betrayal by Clinton.

Tiny Toons:
Tiny Toons is one of my favorite cartoons of all time. Sadly, child stars always fade fast do the high life. Babs Bunny is apparenlty turning Trixs in California and Buster Bunny never recovered from the Murder of Bugs Bunny. . Buster was last seen in Vegas working magic shows. He is a functioning alcholic and has more chidlren then Shawn Kemp.


Save by the Bell: Was the only show to survive the purge and to be honest it thrived. But the success was also their demise. Lisa, my imaginary wife at the time has only been in one Movie of note, since Save by the Bell, “How High”, Zach has had a solid career, Jesse ended up on Showgirls and has been doing soft porn on Skinamax, Slater went on Dancing with the Stars, and Screech made a home made porno and got coked out of his mind with Mickey.

The 1998 Telecommunications Act Ruined Everyone