Title: Going to the Knicks Vs. Wizards Game

By: Dwayne “Cleophus” Wayne

6:35 – Cleophus – Walks into his house, the smell of dinner fills the air. Ahhh the life, a cold beer and hot dinner waiting for him on the table. Wait, why isn’t she wearing lingerie? 1 deduction point!

6:36 – Telemundo – your dinner’s ready, hurry up and eat so you can get to the game. You can’t be late, Ol’ G will get mad.

6:41 – Cleophus – devours food like a Hoover.

*Check List*

Fire Isiah Shirt – Check

Video Camera – Check

Sodas to sneak into the Garden to save money – Check.

6:43 – Ol’ G calls, where are you, HURRY UP!

6:44 – Cleophus – turns to Telemundo, babe I forgot I am going to be late, going to hang out with the fellas after the game. Closes door.

6:44 – Telemundo – Muffled curse words in Spanish… (((Cleophus will sleep with one eye open tonight))))

6:50 Cleophus and Ol’ G get on the A train... a Mexican is playing a blues song called Chicken wings and pork fried rice. I had to give him $1 dollar for having the balls to sing that on the A train in Harlem.

7:15 Ol’ G picks up a sandwich at subway to sneak into the game, hence why he is Ol’ G

7:25 Walking up the steps to the Garden, a scalper is selling tickets to the Knicks game.

He would have a better chance selling mortgages in the Sub-Prime market. For amusement we ask him how much?. A glimmer of hope enters his eye. $60 dollars a piece! We walk away laughing, (Evil Laugh that is)… his hope dies fast.

7:35 We get to our seats. Great seats by the way.

7:37 Cleophus – looks up at the scoreboard – WHAT THE DEUCE, the Knicks are winning. They won their previous game but there is no way they can win two in a row. Can they?

7:50 Cleophus & Ol’ G stick with tradition and play “Who’s the Groupie.” In our section alone, 8 groupies, three mistresses and two wives.

(Sadly, SUPERHEAD was not at the game, but i brought my antibiotics just in case she walks by and breaths on me.)

8:00 What’s going on, no Fire Isaiah Chants, did I bring my shirt for no reason?

8:15 A boring game but the Knick are still winning. The Crowd goes crazy, what did I miss? An alley hoop? A sick Slam dunk? Nope, RW McQuarters and Brandon Jacobs from the NY Giants are in attendance. The place is going wild, the entire Garden is on its feet cheering wildly. I have not heard the garden this loud since the Fade to Black Jay-z concert.

8:30 David Wright of the Mets is also at the game. Not as warm of a reception. He must have felt like he was at Shea, Half cheers and half Boos. Poor David, he just wanted to grab some groupies tonight and he gets booed. Yes, the Knicks are still winning but no one is paying attention.

8:32 One of the Italians from the sopranos was at the game. He was wearing a velour suit, seriously.

8:55 It is obvious the producer has something against Stephon Marburry, (maybe the

producer’s daughter has

been in Stephon’s truck!?) he puts Stephon’s alien like head on the jumbotron,

the BOOS rain down and people began rioting asking for Stephon’s head. (Slight exaggeration, key word SLIGHT!).

9:30 The Knicks are still winning but the fans are not ready to accept they might win two in a row. Is the rapture, really near?

10:00 Alley hoop to David Lee, HOLY CRAP Brandon Jacobs baby mama is a fat white woman. Well, that relationship is not going to last.

10:20 The GARDEN is in complete shock. The KNICKS won… Two games in a row… there is a GOD!

10:45 Cleophus scared for his life decides to go right home instead of going out with the fellas. A Man selling a dozen roses for $5, on the train. I give him $4 and tell him to keep it moving. I give the flowers to Telemundo in hopes I will not get shanked in my sleep. All is good… All is well. I still sleep with one eye open…

Random Celebrity Endorsement of the Week

"This website....or blog.....is a very good website....tantalizing even....but it's missing something....I think it could use a little more d$....gotta have more d$ baby" - Christopher Walken (Actor, Avid d$maniac)

Conference Title Games: Behind the Scenes

"I wish I still had Jeff Gillooly's phone number" - Billy Volek

"It's easy Bill all you do is add a little gel, twirl it around your finger and it just stays like that the rest of the day" - Junior Seau

"Hey LT, hows the knee?....LT? Hello?" - Phil Rivers

"ZZZZZZZZzzzz" - LT

"I gotta get me one of them visors" - Phil Rivers

"You don't have a womb do you? no? OK just checking...Hey anybody seen Randall Gay?" - Tom Brady

"Yay! Now they wont pack me in the bag of sweaty jock straps on the plane ride home again! - Lawrence Tynes

"You haven't seen the last of me! I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling kids!" - Brett Favre

Feb. 3rd, 2008

I'm going to qualify my statement somewhat before I make it. I'm a fan of the Dallas Cowboys. (P.S. for some reason I just watched the last 15 minutes of The Mod Squad, not helping my mood).

I've never been less interested in a super bowl my life. I guess I'm supposed to hate the Patriots like everyone else in America, but i'm not that much against them. I surely don't want them to win the Super Bowl, cause god knows when Peter King will stop slurping them if they do. But there's not a snowballs chance in hell of me cheering for the Giants to knock them off...absolutely not happening.

I'm obviously going to watch the game, but in not being able to cheer for anyone, I don't know how long I could possibly stick with it.

There's a good chance I'll be switching channels to this.

Goodnight Sweet Prince

The thorough bred against a clamor,
or rather,
the porsche vs. a pickup truck.
--Larry Merchant, HBO Sports

And an era comes to a close. Longtime HBO color commentator, Larry Merchant, has either hung up the spikes, or finally bit the bullet. Last night during the return of Roy Jones Jr., Max Kellerman filled in for the greatest mind in the history of boxing. He did a passable job, but Merchant was something special.

Take note of the fan's soliloquy being cut short. "He was robbed, he was URK!"


My favorite part here is the chuckle after the comment...Merchant is certainly drunk at this point of the evening.


Where can I find this hat!?

We're definitely going to need more help than this

Today I spoke with a very wise and passionate, albeit misguided (at times) Giants fan who reminded me that today is the most bittersweet day of the year (season). Today is the last true football day of the year until the NFL Draft.

What will happen to my Sunday without football? While the start of the baseball season and the impending distraction of fantasy baseball will make the wait that much easier, there is a rhythm to the football Sunday that makes me feel that everything is right in the world.

Now I have nothing to look forward to aside from a long and bleak February. Reruns of old movies will air at 230 on the WB, I will watch Jaws and the Terminator and Predator again. I will flip through the back channels looking for old episodes of Family Guy or The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I will continue to download and watch episodes of shows like The Wire and not much else (certainly not Gossip Girl).

I am filled with sadness. The clouds are gathering. The light is darkening. Perhaps I will try and get laid...

Also, swordfights are cool!

Conference Championship Sunday

Thank Tom Jones Sunday is finally here. This weekend has gone by so slowly waiting for the best Sunday of football of the year. But there’s always a bittersweet feeling to Championship Sunday, knowing that there is only one more football game that season… and that game is for everyone but the football die-hards.

That’s alright, though, because we have a couple of classic football encounters in store for tonight. Harkening images of yesteryear, both games contested today will be played in well below freezing temperatures. It won’t be “The Greatest Show on Turf” or the best X’s and O’s games we will ever see, but the beauty of watching four teams braving the elements giving everything they have for a chance at the Super Bowl… we’re not lucky enough to see that every year.

For seven hours today, if you’re so lucky, you will meet with the guys for one last time this year... enjoying some food, some drinks, some jokes only the few of you think are funny… and enjoying, hopefully, two classic football games to tide us for two weeks until the Super Bowl. That’s what sports and the NFL is truly all about.

San Diego (+14) over NEW ENGLAND

In my head, I can see just about anything happening in this game. I can see the 17-0 Patriots get off to a fast start and blitzkrieg the Chargers out of the building; I can see the Chargers getting a quick turnover and score, while New England struggles in the first half… I’m going into this game expecting anything and praying to my Lord & Savior that it isn’t a Pats blow out.

That being said, I have to take the points. This line started at 14.5 and, to be honest, I’d feel a lot better getting that extra half-a-point. The Chargers have a tough defense, but Patriots offense is clearly the best in the league. New England doesn’t have their defense of years past, but San Diego injuries to Phillip Rivers, LaDanian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates, their three best players, can certainly slow them down.

I don’t expect this to be a high scoring game at all, which makes taking the 14 points that much easier. Something is telling me that the Chargers can win this game outright, but my head is telling me that just isn’t possible. Take the points, but don’t be shocked if the Pats go wild.

Patriots 29, Chargers 18

New York (+7.5) over GREEN BAY

This line actually climbed a half-a-point this week, which really shocks me. I know Green Bay blew out Seattle last week, but it’s hard for me to take that romp too seriously considering the Seahawks gave up after the Pack went up 11 going into halftime. The weather significantly affected that game.

What this game is going to come down to is two fold; One, can the Giants defensive line break through the Packers offensive line and get to Brett Favre and Two, what can this Giants offense do against a solid Packers defense.

I think the Giants defensive line is going to do just enough to get to Favre and I think the Giants depth of runners compared to just Ryan Grant of the Packers helps them a lot in this frigid weather game.

I’m probably speaking more with my New York heart than head with this pick, but I just think seven-and-a-half points are way too many for this type of game. Plus, I think the Giants finally have the meddle to get through this game and get to Phoenix. Hide your hearts, girls... Eli's coming to Phoenix.

Giants 16, Packers 14