Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Bill Clinton Killed A part of my Childhood

Bill Clinton Ruined My Childhood

Apparently as a Black Person it is sacrilegious to talk badly about Bill Clinton, “The First Black President”. He isn't labeled the 1st Black president because of his ability to overcome great barriers and strife, growing up in the poor south. Rather, it’s because he played the Saxophone, Smoked Weed and got head from an Ugly White woman. Nonetheless, I am still a BIG fan of Bubba, until I uncovered information suggesting Bill Jefferson Clinton is responsible for killing a part of my childhood.

When BUBBA signed the Telecommunications act of 1998 it dissolved multiple restrictions previously placed on the Media Giants. The act allowed the major networks to show adult oriented programming during the coveted 2pm – 5pm time slot. Instead of innocent cartoons -- shows like the Jerry Springer & Maury were allowed into the time slot. Children today are watching programs such as WHO IS MY BABY’s DADDY, instead of cartoons.

Because of the Telecommunication, Bill Clinton and the TV Execs who lobbied the Telecommunication ACT -- I find them GUILTY of murdering the following TV Shows!!! I will be holding a silent vigil for these shows from 3:00 pm to 5:00 pm…
Please hold up your lighter as I read the victim names.

Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers:
Came on after The Gummy Bears and only lasted a couple years but they were so cute… They were the older version of Alvin and the Chipmunks if you think about it!

Ducktales: What did Louie, Huey and Douie do to deserve such a death? WHAT DID THEY DO? Swim in Uncle Scrooge’s Money Bank one too many times?

TaleSpin: Who didn’t love big Ol’ Ballou? A spin-off off the Jungle Book, I blame Rickie Lake for their death, FAT BITCH!

Darkwing Duck: He Saved countless ducks in his cartoon and do you know how he was rewarded? Was killed flying south through Iowa in 2000 when George Bush was campaigning. Bush was trying to show he was a real Southern and a member of the NRA and shot Darkwing while he was migrating!

Goof Troop: Who didn’t love Goofy? The forgotten man of Disney! All he wanted to do was get away from Mickey Mouse’s’ shadow and coke problem. He landed his own show in 1995. His show was suddenly taken off the air and he disappeared for ever. Some people say Mickey had something to do with it but he was in rehab when the disappearance occurred! The last sighting of Goofy was in Virgina, at the Bad News Kennels.

Anamaniacs : They were suppose to be locked in the VAULT for ever but Spielberg let them out. They were mysteriously trapped in the closet with R. Kelly but there has been no proof, Dot will not testify against Kelly and is currently living on his estate in Chicago.

Gizmoduck: I can’t even say enough about Gizmoduck, he was featured on three other cartoons… Ducktales, Darkwing Duck and Gizmoduck… Poor guy… So what if he was busted for using steroids. After he was canceled and replaced by The Sally Jesse Raphael show he committed suicide. Some say it was the steroids, I say it was due to the betrayal by Clinton.

Tiny Toons:
Tiny Toons is one of my favorite cartoons of all time. Sadly, child stars always fade fast do the high life. Babs Bunny is apparenlty turning Trixs in California and Buster Bunny never recovered from the Murder of Bugs Bunny. . Buster was last seen in Vegas working magic shows. He is a functioning alcholic and has more chidlren then Shawn Kemp.

Save by the Bell: Was the only show to survive the purge and to be honest it thrived. But the success was also their demise. Lisa, my imaginary wife at the time has only been in one Movie of note, since Save by the Bell, “How High”, Zach has had a solid career, Jesse ended up on Showgirls and has been doing soft porn on Skinamax, Slater went on Dancing with the Stars, and Screech made a home made porno and got coked out of his mind with Mickey.

The 1998 Telecommunications Act Ruined Everyone

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