Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Super Tuesday

My fellow Americans! Get out there today and do your #1 job as citizens of the greatest country in the world!

Today is the day! Don't act like a hippy, you can make a difference (unless you live in new york, if you do you're vote doesn't matter because this state will go to the democratic nominee).

Let's start with a brief run down of each of the candidates.

Hillary Clinton

This lil' lady is the wife of our nation's first black president, Bill Clinton. She has been working within the system ever since, and is now poised to grasp the leadership reigns on her own.

One of Hil's biggest issues is her desire to get our country to accept universal health care, a policy that would greatly enhance the quality of life for everyone (except the most wealthiest) in the good ole US of A!

But let us not forget that Hillary voted for the war in Iraq!

Barack Obama

He's a cool fellow who is all about eliciting positive change in our country. To his credit, Obeezy voted against the war in Iraq, and has since focused on increasing our energy independence (HUGE) and also on establishing universal health care.

Obama is a smoker, I hope he smokes Newports, cuz they are easily the coolest ciggs. Many have also questioned his experience, as he is young and a relatively newbie in the political field. But I think the experience thing is an overblown load of crap.

He also bears a decent resemblance to my friend Kenny! And that is tre' cool.

John McCain

This dude is a real life fucking Chuck Norris. During the Vietnam War his plane was shot down during his 23rd bombing run. He survived the crash and was captured by the enemy where he endured five and a half years of torture in a prison camp. During his internment, he had a watch that he planned on passing on to his son. To keep it from being confiscated, he hid it...in his ass...wait that might've been Pulp Fiction.

McCain is commonly viewed as one of the more moderate Republican. He is conservative on many traditional Republican issues (health care, abortion) but has been known to be liberal on many others (education, gun control).

Do be aware that McCain is definitely a Hawk (you would be too if the Vietnamese poked you with sticks for 5 years!) and is also a ripe 71 yrs of age (he would be DEAD by the end of an 8yr term). Those are things to keep in mind when voting.

Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney was once the Governor of Massachusetts, a piece of shit state that until recently was a cursed as the princess on Shrek. He built a highway there that from all accounts was a disaster and collapsed like 12 hours after being completed.

Also, Romney is a Mormon, and as we know, Mormon's eat babies and marry thousands of women at a time.

Enough silliness, Mitt Romney has been known to waffle on the issue of abortion. That's not the worst thing in the world though, as he has demonstrated a strong stance on tougher gun control laws and also is determined to increase legal immigration, while identifying and databasing the nation's illegal immigrants.

Plus his handsome face seems to have been chiseled out of solid granite.

In the end, all that is really important is that you execute your right to play a part in the process of selecting our nation's leaders. Leave the cynicism at home, get out there, educate yourself, and align yourself with the person whom you feel best suits your needs and ideals.

So if you can tear yourself away from the Giants' victory parade (pictured above) for a moment. Get out there and vote! And don't let anything (pictured below) stand in your way!


Julienne said...


I think you should try to be less biased when educating American. Your statement regarding Hillary's position is extremely generalized and should be edited as follows 'Hillary Clinton supports re-deployment out of Iraq in 90 days. She does not support construction of permanent bases but continual residual force'

Mr. IMHO said...

julienne, Hillary Clinton did in fact vote to invade Iraq in the days following 9-11...that is irrefutable fact.

So :-p at you

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