Thursday, January 17, 2008

Part 2 of an 8 part series: Inanimate objects I would like to have sex with

For years and years I have heard about the wonders of High Definition Television. I scoffed at everyone, as I saw no difference between my regular TV and HDTV. On Tuesday, I procured my HDTV and I have entered a fantastic world of colors, sounds and sports.

Hockey and Basketball, the two I’ve seen so far, are fantastic. I can only imagine how badass the two football games will be on Sunday. My Xbox looks absolutely surreal. I’m getting a hard-on just thinking about it. Wait a second… porn in HD?! There is a God… Thank you, Tom Jones.

Regular channels in comparison to HD programming are like night and day. I finally understand what the fuss was all about. I look at this TV in awe.

The truth is, it’s just a TV, but it makes me feel like more of a man… like pretending I know how to operate power tools or what an 8-cylinder engine does. Actually, I don’t know much man shit at all… What the hell is torque? I’m know more about Bjork than I know about torque.

None-the-less, women don’t want men who know about cars… they don’t want cool hair, big muscles, big… other stuff… they want men with an HDTV. They don’t care if they drive a ’93 Pontiac… they don’t care that he lives with his parents or that he works retail…

All that matters? If he owns an HDTV… it’s on

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