Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Rice Family: A Tale of Lust, Love, Lies, and Retribution

The Rice Family


A tale of lust, love, and retribution


Christina Rice: Oh shit the door! Get off-a-me and get in the closet!
Alberto Perez: Que? En el armario? Cual es?
Christina Rice: Just get in there you greasy prick!

Glen Rice: ::Shouting from downstairs:: Ey trick, daddy's hoo-ome! Whatya fine ass got fer me?
::Heavy thuds as the overweight former all-star climbs the stairs slowly::

Christina Rice: Oh hey baby, I was just layin here, you know, thinkin about you! You look so strong today baby!

Glen Rice: ::Breathing Heavily:: Yeah baby! I was pumping it up a bit earlier at the gym. But now I'm ::sniffs the air suspiciously::

Glen Rice: 'Ey bitch you smell dat? I know that smell!
Christina Rice: Gulp, I don't smell anything honey, maybe you just hungry?
Glen Rice: Naw I know that smell. Sheeeit, I was smellin that in da Hol-i-day Inn laaast night. I smell.... P'DUSSY!

::Glen Storms throughout the bed room, tearing open shades, glaring at his wife::

Glen Rice: Bitch! Why it smell like p'dussy in here when big daddy been at tha swap meet all day!? Is you trickin on me?
Christina Rice: Wait whatchu mean at the effing Holiday Inn...when was your ass at the Holiday Inn?
Glenn Rice: ::Suddenly realizing his mistake, Glen relaxes a bit:: Girl don't be talkin no bullshit now woman! That ain't even the point
Alberto Perez: ::Muffled, from the closet:: Si, esta verdad!
Christina Rice: Ain't the point!? Ain't the point!? Get out of MY House! Go and trick wit all your lil skeezers fake as nukka!
Alberto Perez: ::Muffled, from the closet:: Hay Dios Mio!!!
Glen Rice: Bitch, you'd best be puttin' that vase down! That shit wasn't cheap now ya hear!

::Moving with surprising fluidity for a big man, Glen manages to duck out of the way of the flying ceramic::

Glen Rice: Now you done did it, I'm a call tha police!
Alberto Perez: ::Muffled, from the closet:: Hay Dios mio! La policia!

::Suddenly, Glen seems to realize that the couple are not alone in the room::

Glen Rice: Ey woman! Who tha f*ck is in this here closet?
Christina Rice: ::Covers her mouth in fear:: No Glen don't!
::Glen Rice yanks the closet door open::
Alberto Perez: ::Still in the closet but no longer muffled:: Hay dios mio...
Get the real story here

3 comments:

LDofHarlem said...

Nice piece...
why didnt you talk abotu the charges against him?

The Hitman said...

What's crazy is that they aren't even married anymore...gotta love glen rice.

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